This scribbling comes at a poignant time, as this is my last week where I can say I’m in my early 20s. Next Sunday I’ll be an official ¼ of a century old.
Gasp!
My brother and sister have been telling me for a few years now that I’m ‘soooo embarrassing’ and ‘old’. And the following conversation with the son of my Aberdeen pastor when he caught me writing my age on a form at Imagine last year is ingrained into my memory for all eternity:
‘Are you really twenty-four?’ he said.
‘Yes‘ I answered (slightly amused)
‘Laura Anne, you’re getting OLD!’ he exclaimed.
Now I know most of my readers are older than me so please bear with me on this one. I’m not saying that 25 is old by any stretch of the imagination. But 25 has been an age I used as a ‘milestone’ in my younger years for certain plans I had for my life.
Like, I never thought I’d be living ‘at home’ at this age. To be fair, I have become a property owner, I just don’t live there for a variety of reasons (I miss you Aberdeen flat….)
I also had planned to be pregnant with my first child by now. Ok, so I’ve kinda already done that one, but due to circumstances at the time and a poorly made decision that pregnancy never went through to the end.
I planned to be married at 25. Again, had the chance of this, didn’t take up on the offer. That one was a good decision. But I’ve felt this pressure to be married very quickly in most of the relationships I’ve been in since becoming a follower of Jesus. I have since realised that the pressure on girls (particularly Christian girls) to be married by 25 is ridiculous. As I grow older and wiser I realise just how much I’m not ready to be in that kind of relationship just yet (if ever).
I planned to be changing the world in my job. Ok, I’m getting there a little bit, but it’s only on a part-time basis. I long to have a more steady working lifestyle, and a regular wage again. I know that’s not important, but at the same time it’s frustrating not to be able to see my family or do fun things with friends because I’m ‘relatively poor’.
I also look young for my age. I’m forever being mistaken for being in my late teens. People are always so shocked when I tell them how old I am. Sometimes that’s funny, but other times that can be very frustrating if you feel you are being patronised.
It doesn’t help that I have an incredibly child-like way of looking at the world. I don’t want to let go of that, ever. I love being amused at the little things in life, and I like tigger-bouncing.
And if you see me on a Sunday morning it’s not uncommon to see me pretending to be a monster, or running hand-in-hand with a 4 year old and hiding behind cars, doors and dustbins or wearing quirky accessories for the fun of it.
My sister and brother (you know, the ones who say I’m old) also continually sigh with exasperation or laugh at my frequent acts of silliness that they attribute to being like Phoebe in Friends.
But people can see all of that, and think that I’m immature as a result.
Actually, I’ve been through a great deal in my 25 years which has given me a lot of wisdom. If you’ll kindly notice and look past that silly exterior, that wisdom has stood me in great stead with the work I do with the 2 pregnancy crisis charities (where the vast majority of my fellow staff & volunteers are decades older than me) and in previous jobs where I was often training or supervising staff who were older than myself.
Age is no sign of maturity.
I’ve met many 15 year olds who are more mature than a lot of 21 year olds. I look back at my 16 year old self, and think that I was a lot more mature back then than I am now.
But most of all, I think I thought I’d have life ‘sorted‘ by now.
I don’t.
Wisdom tells me that on this earth, I’ll never have it sorted. As you go through life, new challenges will come.
You just gotta take them as they do, learning along the way.
And it’s ok to be silly. And we can learn a lot from being child-like. Not childish. Child-like. When I was told this story by my friends the other day, I was reminded of that even more. (Thanks for constantly challenging and inspiring us Miss S!)
BK, you’re right about the pressure for Christian girls to be married young, which IS good for childbearing (less infertility issues), but as for rushing straight into marriage I have this piece of advice: long friendships, short engagements. If you’re not a Christian though, I can’t imagine there’s much pressure to get married at all though…
Perhaps you’re enjoying being young and silly now because you did so much growing up when you were younger, and didn’t have the chance to do so much in the way of fun then? An unexpected pregnancy and a subsequent abortion would squash a whole lot of fun out of life, I imagine. And the bacardi queen phase probably wasn’t a whole lot of fun, but just trying to escape from the big adult world you’d suddenly been thrust into…
Nicely done! A good read – thoughtful work…
I agree with Prue… on the long friendship, short engagement part.
But I really think that it’s pretty ridiculous to assume that all Christian girls are going to get married at all. I remember once when the women’s director at my church asked if I was dating anyone (answer of course was no. I’ve only “dated” 2 guys in my life.) She told me, “Don’t worry… he’ll come.” And I remember thinking…. “I really don’t care if he does.”
It wasn’t a jaded remark. It was just that I knew I didn’t need a man in order to make my life complete. I’m complete in Christ.
Why don’t Christians talk more about how Paul and Jesus both say that single people can focus more on serving God than married people can? Single people are a GREAT treasure of the kingdom, and y’all have a freedom of availability that doesn’t come with a spouse and family.
@Prue – I agree with that one too. I think there can be pressure to get married, or at least be in a committed relationship. Many friends of mine have had worries about being single forever.
And on the bacardi queen phase – it was fun until it coincided with trying to deal with all the rubbish experiences from my ‘Edinburgh life’ when I got to Aberdeen.
But I’ve always had a silly side. It’s something that runs in the family. My Mum is 52 and had silly child-like streak for as long as I’ve known her.
But do suspect it’s got worse as I’ve got older for the reasons you say!
@Sarah – If had a pound for every conversation I’ve had, or when women in church contexts have said that to me I’d be able to pay for my flight to South Africa. Oh, I could rant about that and other related stuff to this for hours!
Come September I will leave my 20s all together. yeech! Know what you mean about having certain expectations on what/where you’d be/do at certain ages. Things have not really gone to plan for me in the sense I wanted them too (chiefly because of health stuff – pfft.) But I have given up working to a ‘template’ now.
So many people expect you to go a certain way in life, as if connecting dots – get a career, get married, have children – as if the other stuff is simply inbetween stuff. That really bugs me whenever I see it. Everyone has their own path, why can’t they be allowed to Live it instead of always ‘waiting’ on the next thing they need to tick off the ‘checklist’?! And what’s with your worth being based on what you do for a living rather than the kind of person you are? (Sore point here as I don’t ‘work’ in the traditional sense of the word.) Sheesh, am about to move into rant mode. Best stop now.
I have, occasionally (bizarrely?!) been called wise, and have also been compared to Phoebe. Fairly frequently. And child-likeness keeps us sane in a cynical world.
Anyway, I ‘get you’, if you’ll excuse the phrase.
Glad you liked being featured on Lynette’s. You got my vote
xx
The Exec Club. What a joy!
Check out FlyerTalk for a community around that.
If you ever want 2K miles give me a shout.
I think you sound incredibly wise, based on this post. You have a very healthy and optimistic view of life and its challenges. And your sense of humor and fun will help you very well in life. Lovely read!
BK – I was almost 38 when I finally settled in the work that I was being shaped for throughout my life. That was almost 5 years ago. Chasing careers, or marriage, or wealth, or any of the other things that are supposed to bring fulfillment to our lives, is like chasing after the wind – pretty pointless and bound to end in disappointment.
I admire your honesty about your life so far and your willingness to share your hard-won wisdom with others. That is worth far more than you may ever know.
PS – I’ve just added a link to your blog from mine. Hope you don’t mind.
PPS – I’ll be up in the city on Wednesday at a ministers’ meeting. I’m thinking about dropping in to the Art of Joy exhibition too…
@Lincoln – what are 2k airmiles? (clueless brunette here…who just joined with the thought that it sounds a bit like a Boots Advantage Card except instead of getting ‘points’ for buying toiletries, I’m getting ‘points’ for buying plane tickets and I may as well do it – plus those Tesco Clubcard vouchers I get can be redeemed and converted into air miles too!).
@Fledging Poet & Tumbleweed – thank you
@Tony – Don’t mind at all. Will link to you as well! Do drop in to The Bistro. What a great excuse to have a meeting over a nice coffee there or something. Good to know I’ve got at least 13 years to go to make a career decision based on your example.
I actually feel totally called to the work I do currently, and hope to remain there for a long time to come, but would like to get a vocational qualification relating to the work I’ve been doing both there and in church.
My students often make me feel old pretty constantly. They think of songs from 1995 as really old and I distinctly remember doing a reading comprehension about a guy who was 32 (as I was at the time) and one student saying ‘pretty old huh?’! I also spent part of Friday marking exam essays about the wisdom or otherwise of marrying in your twenties, some of the kids were wise enough to realise it’s not about age it’s about whether you are ready and meet the right person. One student writing on the same topic in January’s exam said that women shouldn’t wait till their 30′s to get married because a woman’s beauty decreases ‘day by day’ over the age of 30. I wanted to fail them just out of spite! Anyway, I digress! Age is relative, I drifted most of my 20′s and only now am really in the job and place that I feel I really belong. Although I still feel like I may not be doing this for my whole life. As for marriage, I used to think I wanted to be married by about 26 but I’m now 33 and still waiting. But I really think it’s better to wait than to rush into things and regret it later. And well I’m kind of hoping I won’t have to wait too much longer.
I also think there’s nothing less attractive than someone in their late 20′s or older who’s still behaving like a teenage, in terms of being irresponsible and avoiding commitment. I also feel like as I get older there’s less pressure to conform to other people’s ideas of who I should be, perhaps because I have learnt to know myself and what I want better.
And if it’s not getting married, it’s having kids…. OK I may be weird, but I’m 35 and everyone is expecting me to have kids. Well I don’t want any and haven’t since at least the age of 18. But it seems that’s not a valid concept within church…. I had to ask the minister to omit the bit of the wedding service that talks about marriage being for having kids, it seemed totally wrong to be saying that in front of God when I knew I had no intention of ever having any. Been married 14 years, and hubby knew beforehand that I didn’t want kids.
sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant…
Happy birthday BTW, hope it is better than you expect
@BK
I’ve got a meeting at Granton Baptist from 12:30 ’til 2 ish. Could meet you at the Bistro before or after – your choice.
Very honest and lovely. I don’t think I began sorting this out until 40. Just beginning.
i loved your thoughts on this! man, it seems just like yesterday that i turned a quarter century! now i’m turning 26 next month.. well on my way to the late twenties
funny, i had thought of 25 as a milestone in my teens as well.. i thought for SURE i’d be married by then. it seems like a lot of christian women, particularly, marry younger. so props to you for being open and wise to other possibilities.