On a regular basis, I get platitudes from well-meaning folks that can make me feel like I should be bothered about things that don’t bother me.
The increasingly common one is older people in church who randomly come up to me that they are praying for God to bring me a good husband. I have to try not to laugh when I’ve heard things like ‘Oh, yes, you know in a couple of years, you’ll be married and coming into church with your new baby…‘ It’s not that I’m against being married or being a mother. It’s just that I don’t think I need to be. I personally believe there are more important things to be talking to God about than begging him for a husband, car, children and white picket fence.
Anyway, I digress.
Let me be honest…there are times when I really struggle with how my life is now. My friend was in Edinburgh a couple of weeks ago, and commented on how shocking he found it that I didn’t own a smartphone when I’m pretty into social media. What I do own is a pretty old Nokia that is currently being held together by sellotape and now likes to randomly switch itself off. I would love a smartphone, just as I would like to afford to be able to go to visit friends in different parts of the world or go to conferences. Or live in the flat that I own instead of renting it out while I live in my Mum’s converted attic.
I don’t have these things because I chose a job I love that can only fund me for 18 hours per week, and sometimes doesn’t have the money to pay me on time.
Sometimes in church I feel really left out because I don’t get to do what I’d love to do – minister and encourage parents and families, be involved with the community at the local primary school like my friend Lynn is, or host a smallgroup. It can often feel that church is run by married couples, for married couples and their offspring. I love kids, and I’ve been told from about the age of 3 that I’d make a great mother. It killed me to learn when I was 21 that I probably wouldn’t be able to have children. And one thing I do get jealous of with my married friends is that they have someone to share the burden with (and yes, I know that it isn’t always that way, I have no rose tinted glasses when it comes to marriage). I do not like socialising on my own, and I do miss doing things with a partner. Any single person will tell you how awkward wedding celebrations can get at times!
That all being said: I’m very glad I’m not with a partner who is dragging me down. Being single is better than being in a toxic relationship.
It’s easy to get disheartened sometimes.
But there have been such great silver linings. Being single, not a parent and working part-time has given me some fabulous gifts that I hope others can benefit from – and that means a lot to me. And I would never want to change that.
Making the choices I have in the last 4-5 years I only had myself to think of. It meant I got to go to South Africa and Australia, it also means on a daily basis I only have to take care of me. I’m try to imagine shopping and cooking for other people every single day and having to factor that into my limited diet without limiting theirs. There’s a reason I don’t often eat at other people’s homes, I hate putting that stress on them!
Working part-time has enabled me to stay healthy. Especially in winter when I find it really tough to keep going.
It’s also meant that I can do lots of things I wouldn’t be able to do if I worked full-time, like be part of Powerpoint, volunteering with GirlGuiding, seeing my friends and doing all the extra stuff I do with the charities I work for. It also means that I have an opportunity to support my friends who are trying to work/study and parent full-time!
I’ll give you some examples: 2 weeks ago I was able to help friends by babysitting their son who had chicken pox while one parent worked and the other parent took their other son to a sports activity. This week I was able to help another friend by babysitting their 17 month old to give her the chance to study.
I love being able to do that. I feel honoured that my friends trust me to take care of their most treasured gifts. And I like being able to give something (I hope) back to them for all the encouragement and love they’ve given to me through challenging times and the celebrating times.
The people who offer the well-meaning platitudes? They don’t get it.
They only see the dark clouds and not the silver lining gifts.








