Chasing the dreams

Yesterday was a good day. The town was painted in Maroon as the Scottish Cup made its way to Tynecastle Stadium. I saw my lil sister and we walked in the sunshine down at Cramond – until we were so cold we had to return to the sanctuary of Cassie the Corsa. We ate pizza, drank ginger beer and watched Cougar Town. I know I have instilled in my sister a love for good American tv and also for music. :)

Though we are still sad that Gavin DeGraw went all pop and mainstream.

These last weeks have been exhausting. Today I spent 35 mins trying to get our centre locked (which means I have to call the locksmith back…sigh) and already knew I had tasks still to do when I came home. I got on the bus and just curled up in a ball exhausted. Worrying if I’ll be able to get another tenant in my flat, and what the financial implications will be if I don’t. Worrying if I’ll be able to get on holiday to Cornwall in July.

Worrying doesn’t do much good though.

For the most part, I’ve lived a life of few regrets. But in the last 5 years (I realise that I missed the anniversary of my return to this city a few weeks ago) I’ve made a lot of sacrifices to do the job I now do. Sometimes I’m concerned I’ve got myself into a rut and I’ll remain here until I die, and that would not be good.

So with a little time before bed last night I decided to go back to this blog and write out my bucket list. I crossed off the ambitions I’ve already achieved. I added a few more.

And stuck the list on my inspiration wall to remind me to work towards doing them.

Next year – if I can save up the money and get a spot (and work through the fear of travelling on a plane) – I’d like to head to California to go to Q. I’ve wanted to attend Q for many years, and never been able to go. I’d like to think that 2013 might be the year. And maybe achieve a few more ambitions while I’m there.

Like getting a hug from David McCallum.

And cartwheeling on a beach in California.

Who knows?

Right now everything is against me. My fear. My financial situation.

But I realise that without the time away from this place, I become bitter, narrow-minded, resentful, impatient, and stuck. Something about sunshine and being in a different location, in a different culture helps us realign ourselves. Gives us better perspective, some hope.

And a sense of achievement.

Or maybe that’s just me?

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3 thoughts on “Chasing the dreams

  1. The list began when I was 15. Some things I no longer dream of so they have been removed from the list, others have been added along the way…!

    I do get what you mean. I used have places in Asia on my ‘to visit’ list, and then I thought about the reality of that (especially after South Africa…) and realised that I would most likely not enjoy the experience at all.

    Don’t let fear stop you dreaming though…

  2. I totally agree that getting away (out of the forest so to speak) can give us a new perspective (to see the trees). How awesome and brave that you’re dreaming!

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