Yesterday was a good day. The town was painted in Maroon as the Scottish Cup made its way to Tynecastle Stadium. I saw my lil sister and we walked in the sunshine down at Cramond – until we were so cold we had to return to the sanctuary of Cassie the Corsa. We ate pizza, drank ginger beer and watched Cougar Town. I know I have instilled in my sister a love for good American tv and also for music.
Though we are still sad that Gavin DeGraw went all pop and mainstream.
These last weeks have been exhausting. Today I spent 35 mins trying to get our centre locked (which means I have to call the locksmith back…sigh) and already knew I had tasks still to do when I came home. I got on the bus and just curled up in a ball exhausted. Worrying if I’ll be able to get another tenant in my flat, and what the financial implications will be if I don’t. Worrying if I’ll be able to get on holiday to Cornwall in July.
Worrying doesn’t do much good though.
For the most part, I’ve lived a life of few regrets. But in the last 5 years (I realise that I missed the anniversary of my return to this city a few weeks ago) I’ve made a lot of sacrifices to do the job I now do. Sometimes I’m concerned I’ve got myself into a rut and I’ll remain here until I die, and that would not be good.
So with a little time before bed last night I decided to go back to this blog and write out my bucket list. I crossed off the ambitions I’ve already achieved. I added a few more.
And stuck the list on my inspiration wall to remind me to work towards doing them.
Next year – if I can save up the money and get a spot (and work through the fear of travelling on a plane) – I’d like to head to California to go to Q. I’ve wanted to attend Q for many years, and never been able to go. I’d like to think that 2013 might be the year. And maybe achieve a few more ambitions while I’m there.
Like getting a hug from David McCallum.
And cartwheeling on a beach in California.
Right now everything is against me. My fear. My financial situation.
But I realise that without the time away from this place, I become bitter, narrow-minded, resentful, impatient, and stuck. Something about sunshine and being in a different location, in a different culture helps us realign ourselves. Gives us better perspective, some hope.
And a sense of achievement.
Or maybe that’s just me?