Category Archives: Flower of Scotland Friday

Jan25

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

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Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

Today is the birthday of Robert Burns (Rabbie Burns as we call him in Scotland). My friend posted this poem written in Scots – a parody of one of Rabbie’s most famous poems. It’s already had about 11 ‘likes’ on facebook by 9 a.m. from fellow Scots. Mainly because, well it’s true. Haggis, neeps and tatties do create a little bit of wind…! And us Scots seem rather fond of toilet humour. Oh dear. Anyway, Happy Burns Day!

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi’ the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin’ a’ ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
it’s like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae god it disnae reek

But a’ the efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets arrond the room
Michty me! a sonic boom

God almighty it fairly reeks
A’ hope a’ huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a’ better scurry
Whit the hell, it’s no ma worry

A’body roon aboot me choakin’
One or two are nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile

It wis him! I shout and glower
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare
I’m no tha’ welcome any mair

Where e’re ye go let yer wind gang free
Tha’ sounds jist the joab fir me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.

Nov11

Flower of Scotland Friday: Irn Bru vs Coca Cola in the 80s

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Flower of Scotland Friday: Irn Bru vs Coca Cola in the 80s

In these parts, Irn bru adverts are kind of infamous.

And those of us who were around in the 80s, we might remember the classic Irn Bru advert  which was really taking the you-know-what out of the classic Coca Cola commercials that were around at the time.

Like this one, where the song used ended up going to Number 1 in the UK.

or this one:

So of course, we responded thus. Sing it with me ‘Made in Scotland, from Girders…’

May13

Scottish to British Translator: What the visiting speaker needs tae know!

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Scottish to British Translator: What the visiting speaker needs tae know!

So at the weekend, we had a couple from South of England come up to Bonnie (wet) Scotland for a visit. It was their 3rd trip to the land North of the border, and one of them being our main speaker for the conference was eager to learn about Scotland – especially our Scottish lingo.

Of course, it made me think of my ‘translator’ posts I have done for my Transatlantic blogging friends. Here’s what they learned…

Flitting = moving house

Getting the messages = running errands/getting your supermarket shop done

Haar = a special kind of misty fog that comes off the sea into the mainland even though its sunny everywhere else in the country.

CRBS = Central Registered Body for Scotland.

Aye = yes (pronounced like ‘eye’)

Pieces = sandwiches or any kind of lunch snack

Porridge = oatmeal rather than rolled oats

Stookie = plaster cast

bairn = child

dreich = grey, misty, drizzly, foggy, rainy, dull weather

law = hill

Sep3

Flower of Scotland Friday: Scottish Hokey Cokey

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Flower of Scotland Friday: Scottish Hokey Cokey

I don’t know if in your part of the world, you grew up doing the Hokey Cokey at birthday parties and the like. Years ago, my friends and I took great amusement at Bill Bailey’s ‘German Hokey Cokey‘.

Well earlier this week, my friend Carrie posted a video of these guys on Facebook. I found them on YouTube, and I think it’s proof of what I’ve known for a long time now: us Scots are little bit crazy…

…but we like to have fun!

Jul30

Flower of Scotland Friday: Scottish Summerwear

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Flower of Scotland Friday: Scottish Summerwear

My lovely friends just got back from helping out with the Church of Scotland’s largest parish (in terms of geography) in North West of Scotland for a couple of months. Well, they got these in one of the wee islands they were ministering in, and I just think it’s hilarious that we had BumpII (gotta come up with a better nickname) wearing them in the glorious Scottish sunshine yesterday.

Elastatoddler calls them ‘[insert real name of BumpII]‘s knitted wellies‘

Love it. Only in Scotland, right?

It was sooooo great to all the family yesterday, and got lots of BumpII cuddles, as well as playing some football and building a railway track with my fabulous godson who is living up to his nickname with his new ability to do forward rolls all by himself.  We think he may have a swallowed a duracell bunny at some point too… :)

Jul23

Flower of Scotland Friday: We’ve got dragons

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Flower of Scotland Friday: We’ve got dragons

This is by far one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. A few people asked why the Vikings had Scottish accents, and where they may be more west coast ish, did you not know about the viking heritage of Orkney – one of our many ‘big’ islands right at North of Scotland? In fact, so North is Orkney and Shetland (and the corresponding smaller islands) that often they get left off the Scottish maps. A bit like Alaska.

I can’t wait for it to come out on DVD. It’s now become commonplace for me and my friend Doug (we saw it at the same time in 3D at cinema) to randomly text to say 5 simple words: I want a Night Fury

Our only bugbear – how come the adults are Scottish, but their kids are all American????

Jun18

FOS Friday: Scottish Money

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FOS Friday: Scottish Money

Yep, we have ‘different’ money in Scotland. When the Payne family were visiting, we got money out of a Bank of Scotland cash machine (ATM for my American friends!) and JT was memorised by the utter coolness of the money.

South of the border, they just get plain old Bank of England money, but here in Scotland you might get a Clydesdale Bank, Royal Bank of Scotland or Bank of Scotland note!

Usually the £5 notes I get back in shops are Bank of England ones, but the other day I received a pretty Bank of Scotland one. JT wanted to know ‘who the guy with the big nose’ was, so for your information…it’s Sir Walter Scott. He has a monument in the centre of Edinburgh that features in one of my favourite ‘ignorant tourist visiting Edinburgh’ stories!

The only problem with these notes is that folks in England tend to look at you as if you’re trying to pay them with Monopoly money. Sigh.

Michael McIntyre does a really funny sketch about it, which my friend Laura (who was in my team at SITC Durban last year) likes to joke about. We both used to randomly break out into Michael McIntyre impressions and anecdotes. What can I say? She did suggest that I should bring tons of Scottish Money to one of the Soul Survivor conferences and use it in the bookshop so she could hide behind a table full of bibles, jump out and proclaim to the salesperson ‘Excuse me pal! That’s legal tender!‘ if said salesperson didn’t let me pay with the Scottish notes.

You can see him do it here if you like – but I should warn you that he can use strong language, and before the Scottish money one there’s a John Smeaton/Glasgow Airport joke and it may offend some people (which is why I haven’t popped the video up on my blog).

Apr24

FOS Friday: The Gracious Scots

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FOS Friday: The Gracious Scots

So you may have heard about a certain volcano in Iceland causing chaos in air travel last week. I heard this on Radio 1, and it did crack me up. You can always rely on a Scottish bloke to be a little bit…uh…drunk (or bevvied/bleutered/pished depending on which Scottish colloquialism you’d prefer to use) early in the morning at Edinburgh Airport.

Why? Because that’s when the cheap RyanAir and Easy-Jet flights tend to depart…

So it’s good to show they are ever so gracious, and want to make their feelings known about the delayed or cancelled departure of their boozing holiday with the boys known on live national television.

I give you…the gracious Scot…

Apr2

FOS Friday – 80s Children’s TV

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FOS Friday – 80s Children’s TV

Yes, I’m a child of the 80s. And yes, I was allowed to watch TV.

In Scotland, we have 2 national languages – English & Gàidhlig. So when I was little, there would be a time in the day where after the English-speaking tv programmes, they would put on Gàidhlig ones straight after.

Some of my twitter friends wanted to get a flavour, and these are the only examples I could find of…

Padraig Post (Postman Pat) – (it’s in the background of this other Scottish 80s TV show…)

Donnie Murdo (Danger Mouse…basically they went with 2 common “Highland/Islands” names to keep with the DM logo!)

….and the best for last (apologies for poor quality) Dotàman. I had to introduce you to Donnie MacLeod & his guitar.

Ahhh…Dotàman…the Mackay clan originate from the Highlands, and our surname accounts for about 35% of the Isle of Lewis (at least). So I’m actually the first generation of Mackays not to speak Gaidhlig, but because my Dad, uncles, great aunts, granny & grandpa etc could, I convinced my peers at school that I could as well. So I used to ‘translate’ Dotàman for them.

A few years down the line, my little sister came along and she used to watch Pingu. It was always after (or before) the Gaidhlig version of Fireman Sam. So can you understand why it took me a few years to realise that we didn’t always just catch ‘Gaidhlig Pingu‘ but in fact, Pingu was just speaking…well…penguin, I guess. :)

Jan15

Flower of Scotland Friday: Films Made Scottish

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Flower of Scotland Friday: Films Made Scottish

Earlier this week on Twitter, there was a game called ‘Films Made Scottish’ going on. It gave me the giggles on an otherwise cold, grey rainy day.

Here are some of my faves:

Take the High Road to Perdition

The Italian Jobbie

Legally Ginger

Loch, Scot and Two Smoking Barrells

Silence of the Bams

Christmas with the Krankies

West Lothian Side Story

Desperately Seeking Susan Boyle

Tartan Hears A Who

Leith Encounter

Towering Balerno

My Big Fat Gretna Wedding

Free Wullie

Joseph and His Amazing Techno Kappa Tracksuit

Vanilla Skye

Jock’n'Rolla

Uncle Buckfast

Miracle on Sauchiehall Street

The Eternal Downpour of the Spotless Mind

Laird of the Rings

Save the Last Ceilidh Dance

Dr Naw

Loch Ness Monster’s Ball

Aye Robot

Million Dollar Bairn

Sassenachs in the City

Any other ideas on ‘Scottishising’ some well known film titles?