Around that time, the church I had become part of was talking about making some major restructuring changes and my pastoral support basically vanished within about 6 months. I tried to keep going, not wanting to be ‘one of those people’ who leaves a church just because the going gets tough. As I was given more responsibility in ministry, it became more difficult. I was giving out spiritually but not much was going in. Most Sundays I’d go to church smiling and drive home in tears. In winter I’d get sick from going to church so I stopped going to services to try and keep myself well. Central filled that gap for me through their online services. Their videos made me laugh so much (ahh, Listen to your lady!) and I fell in love with Lenny and Rita. .  I’ll never forget one particularly tough week when I was close to quitting when in my e-mail box was a video message from Lenny and Rita that Lori had recorded and sent to me filled with words of love and encouragement. Lori was someone I turned to for wisdom when it became clear I needed to leave.  I didn’t like the way some people were gossiping and bitching about the leadership and had to check myself for times when I felt I was slipping into those kind of ways out of anger and hurt. I’m thankful for her wise advice to help me try and leave ‘well’.

I’ve heard lots of ministers and pastors preach that in their church ‘it’s ok not be ok’. Most churches that say that – soon get proven wrong by their response and actions to people  not being ‘ok’. I think Central is one of the few that have the integrity to actually mean and live it.

And I’m thankful.

Happy birthday Central!

Yesterday I was having a bit of an exhausted whinge after fighting to stay awake all day. Today has been slightly more chilled (yes, even with suicide alertness training) and so though I’m tired, I haven’t had to force myself to be awake as much. I came home and fell asleep after work.

As a result, I’ve discovered some silly mistakes I made yesterday. Turns out several things I bought during my supermarket shop I picked up the wrong products.

Please understand that with food allergies and emetophobia I’m one of those people who analyses every product she picks up. I check the date. I don’t pick the one at the front of the fridge section (because what if someone had put it back after it was out the fridge for a while?!). I check ingredients.

But I now know that I bought dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate biscuits.

And this morning I could not understand why my Apple & Mango juice tasted so pineappley. Turns out I bought the Tropical one. Not the Apple & Mango one. It took me until this evening to realise that. Thankfully I hadn’t written a complaint to Innocent Drinks about their weird tasting apple & mango juice.

I’ve also just realised that the reason my phone has been so quiet, is because it’s not in the house. I think I’ve left it in my car. With my camelbak full of water (which I forgot to take into work – I left it in the car when I got there).

Oh dear.

Wonderful.

The thing about it is, I look pretty healthy most of the time. When I had mumps I looked awful to the people around me who saw me day-in, day-out at university. I’ll never forget my Advisor of Studies seeing me in the corridor of the medical school and telling me ‘Go home, your face is still swollen and you look like a hamster’. A few weeks later I managed to put on make up one Monday morning like I’d normally done and my coursemates said ‘Wow! You look so much better!’. I still felt just as exhausted as the week before.

Make up covers all manner of things!

‘Tired’ is a word I use to describe how I’m feeling on a regular basis. Today was a particularly bad day though. I woke up after a good night’s sleep, drove my Mum to work then went to do some shopping. I felt exhausted. I sat in the car park for about 15 minutes just trying to work up the energy to step out my car. Once I’d ran all my errands I knew I had to eat something – proper and get some fruit into me. I did. All I wanted to do was curl in a ball and fall asleep. I tried to read. Eventually I had to give up and crawl into my bed. I woke up about 2 hours later, and when I woke up I couldn’t move a muscle in my body.

It’s a horrible feeling.

Equally horrible is trying to think about something and realising that you can’t. You get part way through a thought and your brain just suddenly goes a bit crazy. It’s a strange experience and I don’t really know how to describe it.

I don’t want to complain because I’m ok really. Yes. It can be frustrating at times. No. It’s not very nice to have a constant dull aches and pains and rarely feel full of energy.

I feel bad on nights like tonight. I managed with a lot of will power to get to ‘lifegroup’ (a new idea from my church). First issue is that it was our groups night to a have a meal together. If I hadn’t eaten before I went I would have had problems. I feel awful that I’m such an awkward person to feed! You get strange looks, you get asked questions. You feel terrible when you ask them whether the food they bought was made from scratch or came out of a packet. But for me, eating something processed usually results in me feeling rotten for at least 24 hours after. Second issue is that I’m feeling exhausted. I can’t concentrate to watch a video. And then be asked questions about it when I can’t remember what was said in the video. Third issue is that I have no energy and what I want to do is curl in a corner and be able to just ‘be’ and know that people will understand that it’s just that I’m having an ‘off-day’. Instead I’m in a group with people I’ve never met being asked to tell them how I’m doing and what I would like prayer for. But I’ve got a vulnerable adult in my group and it is not that person’s fault that I’m feeling rubbish. I feel pressure to put on a brave face and ‘be there’ for that person.

By the time the evening is over I’m so tired I can feel the tears bubbling up and threatening to start me bawling for no reason.

I am thankful that I’m much much better than I once was. This used to be everyday and worse. I used to need help washing my hair. I used to have to crawl to the bathroom or kitchen because I couldn’t walk. My joints were once in constant pain. And I used to have the added factor of nausea, heavy bleeding and pain that made me pass out before the wonderful wonderful injections of depo provera.

But I do find the unpredictability, the increasing food sensitivities and the return of migraines frustrating.

I just pray that being sensible and having rest days and being totally anal about what I put into my body will keep me being able to live a life I enjoy.

On that note, I’m going to quit griping and put some pyjamas on and crawl under my duvet. Maybe watch a bit of ‘The Big Bang Theory’ (thank you Gavin for lending it to me!) and most likely fall asleep. And be thankful I have a late start tomorrow.

Even if that means an afternoon of suicide awareness training! (not cheery…but important)

Returning home, I was really excited to catch up with the action via twitter and hear that the British team had made it to almost every final. We had 1 girl in the uneven bars final, 2 in the floor final and 2 in the beam final. What’s more it looked like some of the people who’d been (potential) world medallists in these events had not made finals above our British gymnasts.

Sunday afternoon came and I couldn’t find it online. So while I set about baking my herman friendship cake I followed the action on twitter. When it came to seeing Hannah Whelan though, I went through to the living room to turn the TV onto the Red Button channel. It was advertised on the BBC website (and by British Gymnastics) that the Euro finals would be shown live until 4 p.m. It was about 2 p.m. and I could not find it. I pressed Red Button and nothing about gymnastics could I find. The menu showed an option to see results of the Spanish Grand Prix. I flicked through every single channel on our freeview box. I found the Red Button channel. the Information said ‘Gymnastics: European Championships Finals’. Yet there was Gabby Logan and 2 blokes going on about English football. I pressed the Red Button, put the menu. Flicked the channels again.

No gymnastics.

Then I saw on twitter Hannah Whelan had won a Bronze medal on Balance Beam.

I tried the TV again.

Still showing Football Focus instead of the advertised gymnastics.

The floor finals began. It seemed tense. Hannah was the penultimate gymnast to perform…would she beat previous World Champion Vanessa Ferrari? It turned out she did, and got a second Bronze.

More importantly, Larisa Iordache who I’d never seen in senior competition before (except watching World Cup in NYC on YouTube) looked like she was proving herself to be a contender for Olympic medals. I wanted to see Catalina Ponor’s progress too.

I thought maybe it was just Virgin Media being rubbish again. I tweeted my frustration. Then later I saw the other tweets and comments on the British Gymnastics facebook page of people who had also been trying to watch the finals. Apparently they’d randomly left the finals when Jenni Pinches was performing and changed the programme to football without warning.

I was really angry.

So were the other British gymnastics fans.

GRRRR.

So I wrote a letter of complaint (online) to the BBC. Their lack of coverage of gymnastics this year I think is pretty shocking (and there are lots of people who’d happily provide articles for them for free to report on World Cup and international events when we’re winning medals). Several of our gymnasts have won medals at World Cup events this year and they’ve only really reported on Beth Tweddle and Louis Smith’s medals. When they reported Hannah Whelan’s medals at the weekend, they wrote that she’d never been in a final ‘at this level’ before. Which is total crap. Firstly, she was in the European beam final last year. Secondly she was 9th in the all-around at the WORLD championships in October. Oh, and she’s won 2 world cup medals.

Sigh.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy football and other sports – I cheer for Chris Hoy in cycling, and love to watch swimming too. I’ll even watch Athletics on occasion.

But Gymnastics is a sport that requires a huge amount of training, skill and discipline. We’re never going to see ‘Gymnastics with the Stars’. And yes, I’m biased, but I know a lot of people who aren’t gymnastics fans the same way I am – but will happily watch it on the TV if it’s on. You can help but admire the death defying skill of those athletes!

Anyway, well done to our British team. Even without Beth Tweddle and a few other of the more experienced gymnasts, they still came 4th in team final. Plus a 3rd place finish All Around for Hannah, Bronze medals for Hannah Whelan and Junior Gabby Jupp = OUTSTANDING.

One of the things I strongly advocate for is the importance of encouragers in your life. Talk to anyone who has achieved success in an attempt to do anything, and they will no doubt list the people who cheered them on along the way. The people who give them a hand to pick them off the floor when they fell. The people who ran alongside them. The people who saw how tired and increasingly hopeless they were feeling and whooped and cheered to get them to the finish line.

I love the Olympics. I don’t think there can be a greater honour that working hard at something day in and day out – using your gifts and skills and having the discipline to make them something extraordinary – and showing the world what you can now do as a result. Representing your country. Competing alongside your peers from other countries with politics aside.

A lot of these people have overcome so much adversity to get there. It takes huge amount of sacrifice not only from them but from friends and family too. Friends and family who have been sacrificial in their encouragement.

The way they have done the tickets for London 2012 I believe is totally wrong. They have not made enough tickets available to the families of Team GB athletes. How crazy that more family members were able to come cheer their loved ones on in Beijing – a city on the other side of the world, but won’t be able to cheer their loved ones on in their home country. Proctor & Gamble have announced the other week that they are giving gifts to all the families of Team USA athletes to get to London 2012 so they can be there. And that’s important. Because even though many of these athlete’s families have good incomes, a lot of it is drained away in helping the athletes training and therapy. It costs A LOT.

Like I said. Becoming an Olympian takes a lot of sacrificing.

Like Shawn Johnson’s family – who remortgaged their home 3 times to support her dream.

Well, for a couple of years I wanted to get a tattoo, and I also wanted to go back to having my dark honey blonde hair. I put it off because I didn’t really have the cash to do either. Last month I got my tattoo. This month the discovery of grey hairs in my hairbrush pushed me to get my hair dyed once again. Luckily, I’ve made a lovely friend here in Edinburgh who just became a hair stylist having trained at Rainbow Room International in Glasgow. She agreed to take on the challenge of colouring my long almost-untameable locks…

This is what I looked like when we arrived at my house (though I had at this point changed into an old t-shirt).

Colour mixed, foils cut and we’re ready to go…!

30 mins later and Ruth is going ‘Oh my word, you really do have LOADS of hair’.

Yes. Yes I do. You don’t realise it because it’s so fine, but you do realise if I leave it to dry naturally with no product in it. Or if you look at my bedroom floor and shower when I’ve washed and blow dryed it and see that despite the carpet of hair, there’s still plenty left all over my head.

Almost 2 hours later…and we have this. A head covered in dye and full of foils…

What occurred next I wish we have video footage of. I have a teeny showerroom, imagine me kneeling on the floor, my head in the shower. Ruth straddling over me pulling foils out and then rinsing out my hair. Then Ruth stumbling with dye covered hands to open a window as we start to get high on hair dye fumes.

End result:

A shower full of tin foil and soapy suds

A soggy Ruth.

A soaked (but blonder) Laura Anne.

Some detangling, drying and straightening later (plus some fixing of the fringe disaster created by my previous hairdresser…)

And this was the end result!

Thank you Ruth!

And if you would like your locks cut or treated by the lovely Ruth you can check out the Just Hair facebook page. The even better thing is that next year Ruth’s hairdressing business will be using her profits to help local, national and international non-profit organisations. You can also follow JustHairCo on Twitter.

Filed under: General Tagged: blonde, hair, JustHair ]]> http://learningfromsophie.com/2012/05/09/back-to-honey-blonde/feed/ 4 Laura Anne Photo on 2012-05-09 at 15.20 Photo on 2012-05-09 at 15.28 Photo on 2012-05-09 at 16.09 Photo on 2012-05-09 at 17.49 Photo on 2012-05-09 at 18.43 http://learningfromsophie.com/2012/05/06/the-rainbows-in-the-sky/ http://learningfromsophie.com/2012/05/06/the-rainbows-in-the-sky/#comments Sun, 06 May 2012 12:04:13 +0000 Laura Anne http://learningfromsophie.com/?p=5336 Continue reading →]]> Thank you to those of you who have given me some of your thoughts on prayer! Please keep them coming…

When I was in London at the end of last month the weather was pretty…well…Scottish. Every time I’ve been in London – both my April & November visits each year – the weather has been sunny and mild. The kinda weather I like! On Wednesday evening after I got back from my away day in Basingstoke, my friends and I went out to the cinema to see The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. As we left their flat, this was the sight that awaited us.

Can you say ‘DOUBLE RAINBOW’?

We could actually see the full rainbow arching across the city, however I couldn’t get the whole thing to fit on my wee digital camera.

I like to think of rainbows of being a sign that we’re not alone in this world, and that beautiful things can come out of rubbishy things (like dreich cold rainy days).

If nothing else, they are kinda pretty!

What is the point of prayer?

What do you think prayer is?

What concerns you about people who pray?

When does prayer become important?

When you hear the words prayer or praying – what thoughts spring to your mind?

What say you blog readers? Leave your thoughts in the comments below, because I would love to hear them whether you are a person who prays or a person who doesn’t.

This is one for any of my readers in the US of A. Most of my regular readers have heard me talk about Eva Markvoort, a girl who was born the same week as me, but in Canada with a genetic disease – Cystic Fibrosis. While on the wait for a double lung transplant, a friend asked if she  would be willing to be the subject of a documentary about living with CF and being on the wait list for an organ transplant.

65_RedRoses came out in 2009 and has since won numerous awards at film festivals across North America. The documentary originally ended with Eva walking down  a street healthier than she’d really ever been with a future ahead of her. Of course, we know now that 2 years later she was diagnosed with chronic rejection and while on the wait for a second transplant she died a few days before her 26th birthday.

The documentary has since been updated to reflect that, and will premiere on the Oprah Winfrey Network as part of the OWN Documentary Club tonight (Thursday) in the USA at 9/8c.

If you are able to watch, please do so. Hopefully when you watch you’ll understand why I’m so passionate about raising awareness of Organ Donation and the need for people to sign up on organ donor registers and talk about their wishes with their families.

• training day – I went to a great (but full-on) counselling training day on Saturday. It was fantastic, but still trying to process it all.

• finding out I need to find a new tenant for my flat – any time someone moves out, it’s a struggle not to worry that I won’t find a responsible person to live there on time. I’ve also had some problems with the flat, and it’s tough to sort them from a distance.

• trying to sort a date to get our centre redecorated – yes. I’m getting well acquainted by the assortment and weird names of paints. And carpets. And furniture.

• our national conference – trying to get everything sorted, make sure everyone knows where they are going, how they are getting there and hoping to God that we have enough people to cover all the costs of running it all. I love organising it, but it also means difficult phone calls and frustrations!

• All the usual stuff in life – like every day tasks in my job, friends, church, gym and laundry.

So to paint a picture, today I worked from home so I could save time from showering, applying make up and sitting on the bus in tramwork induced traffic jams that could be used doing all the stuff that needs done. Don’t worry – I will shower later…! Things are a little busier than is usual but so far staying at peace and just getting it all done.