Tag Archives: abortion

Contrasts

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I’ve had an incredible weekend.

After smallgroup reunion, I headed through the rugby traffic over to Carrie & Andy’s.

Elastatoddler showed me his brand new little brother. Elastatoddler is already such a loving big brother. I just held him or had him lying, resting on my legs as he slept (& farted…a lot!) and gazed in wonder and his masses of soft hair, skin, that baby smell, long but tiny fingers and remembered the day I first met his big brother.

Before that I had spent the afternoon with a friend who has her second child growing inside of her (known as Bambino)

I remember the weird ‘shock’ that came over me when Elastababy was born. His birth had been so excitedly anticipated, by his family and by me. I was ecstatic to meet him, and to be known to him as ‘Auntie Laurie’ despite the fact I’m not a blood relative is a privilege. But afterwards I went into a daze, and it took me a while to realise that the shock was … he was a wanted, planned baby.

And I wasn’t used to that.

There is something about babies. Their innocence, their tiny little features, their helplessness, the ‘everyday’ miracle of pregnancy and childbirth.

Today I talked excitedly of the future birth of my friends’ second child, and sat in awe of my friends’ barely-2-day-old son as he slept (and farted) in my arms.

Tomorrow I go to work where people will be talking of terminating their pregnancies or have done in the past and can no longer stand to be around babies. None of that happiness or joy will surround pregnancy and childbirth like it does for my friends.

Can you see the contrast?

Riding the wave

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Today one of our newest volunteers asked me about how I ended up working in the pregnancy crisis centre.

Yeah, long story, right? One of our mutual friends, who worked for the centre at the time of my employment came in and immediately started picking up on what I’d left out.

Everything in my life has had a purpose that leading up to this point. It’s so obvious looking back now, but it certainly wasn’t always clear at the time.

In 4 hours time I need to be up to drive to the airport and start making the journey to Basingstoke. I can’t sleep.

I was reading Angie Smith’s blog. I wasn’t expecting to see a ultrasound picture taken at 10 weeks gestation.

Yes, that was the stage of pregnancy I was at when I had it terminated.

It was a little bit of a kick in the guts to see that, I’ll admit. Sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock, and bizarrely I don’t want to turn it back to the point before she was conceived to change things in that way. Turning back the clock I wish I would have had the information, support and courage to make a different decision.

You can’t think like that though. Because if it hadn’t been for Sophie being part of my life, I wouldn’t have the wisdom and understanding I have now. The perspective I have when I meet with clients, or abortion providers is different from many of my colleagues. It’s not that I necessarily agree with the people who think it’s all ok, it’s that I get where they’re coming from…because I used to have a totally different viewpoint.

God is doing some crazy things with this work, ministry or whatever you want to call it.

Crazy in the best and in some cases, most unexpected of ways.

He is, as Sarah Chia put it earlier this year, widening my territory.

And yet, I’m not that close to God as I once was. My quiet times are um, yeah, embarrassingly few and far between. My prayer life sucks compared to what it once was. There are lots of things in my life that need sorting.

I feel like I’m just riding this wave of God…He seems to have me along for the ride whether I like or not really!

The majority of the time, I do like it. I love it. The life God has for me is never dull.

But it is sometimes tough.

Um, actually a lot of the time it is tough.

I need to get prepared - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually – as much as I can for what God has in store for 2010.

How do you do that? Answers on a postcard (or blog comment) please… :)

 

Feels like more than a year…

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I’ve been answering some questions posed to me by the lovely Lori Wilhite about my involvement in pregnancy crisis work.

It got me reflecting back (once again) on the journey that brought me here, doing what it is that I do.

I so remember the anxiety that went into writing all about it on my blog...the amount of times I wrote and deleted posts (sometimes even after publishing them). I remember the weirdness of it just not being mentioned at smallgroup at first. I remember meeting Alastair and just not knowing what to say to someone I knew only through blogging, and him being one of the first people I mentioned that I had essentially handed in my resignation to the centre. I remember finding out that some many more folks at MBC were reading my blog than I realised – lurkers!! ;) – and just being really nervous about how they were responding to it, and whether they thought I was a total nutter or something. Maybe don’t answer that…?!

But I also remember a few of the e-mails I got, and the comments that were left and hearing of people inspired to get involved in this work or start talking about crisis pregnancy situations and/or pregnancy loss they had experienced.

I can’t believe that it was only a year ago that I finally finished writing about it. I had intended no more than 6 posts. I wrote 14 in the end. I sure am long-winded. :)

How much has happened since then. How much has changed since then.

I moved back home. God (through others) talked me into staying and taking up the challenge of being ‘in charge’, not alone but doing it together with Sarah. And I went to South Africa (finally).

I wonder what will have happened by this time next year?

Pregnancy crisis in the UK: can we be the change?

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We had a lovely day this morning/afternoon at our sponsored walk. The above is my fave picture of the day – me and my friend Frances standing during a brief shower looking a little daft and crazy! (not a reflection of what we’re usually like at all….ahem)

It’s been lovely the last wee while talking with others who are passionate about this work I’m involved in.

And so funny, and a little saddening to see the number who glanced at our stall last week and walked quickly on as if standing near a charity involved in pregnancy related stuff is catching or something. Sigh.

You know, most people in this work have amazing stories of how they got involved. So many stories of women and men who’ve been affected by unplanned pregnancy, pregnancy loss and infertility. Stories of how family members having abortions has affected them. Stories of God’s healing and redemption. Stories of abuse. Stories of how they see these issues playing out amongst clients and patients in their professional work life as doctors, nurses, social workers, community education workers, pastors, midwives…

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know someone who has gone through pregnancy crisis, abortion or miscarriage.

Last week was lovely as I got to meet a woman not much older than me who is going to be a centre manager of a new pregnancy crisis centre down in England. Both of us going ‘man, it’s so good to find someone our age in this work’. It’s great to have ALL generations involved in this, but the reality at the moment is that the number of 20s/30s involved in the UK is very low.

Also looking at a map of centres on the CareConfidential website we have discovered something we’ve nicknamed the ‘Hadrian’s Wall Gap‘. Notice the sparse number of centres in the North and in Wales…?

CareMap

I’m happy to report that I know of 3 services that will be opening in the not-so-distant future in Scotland.

I wonder if you live in a place where there isn’t a pregnancy crisis centre, and if maybe God is speaking to you about it…?

I find it so strange how the church seems to deal with so many of our ‘big’ issues in society – drugs, homelessness, alcohol, debt, marriage breakdown, youth crime… but not anything to do with sex and relationships. It’s like we’re too embarrassed to talk about it, we don’t want things to get too messy, we don’t want to offend or seem judgmental or uncompassionate.

And yet everyday the abortion rate gets higher. The STI rates get higher. People start sexual relationships younger. Women turn to abortion because they lack other options because they don’t have the support they need to continue with their pregnancies.

It’s so easy to judge and be noble in our beliefs when we don’t know the whole story.

It’s so easy to ignore when it’s not in our face, because it’s so often kept a secret.

People still ask me why I shared my story last year. Well I believe it’s about time people know what goes on, how it can affect people, and do you know what…I made a decision a long time ago to be silent no more. Because silence just makes it easier to ignore so we can pretend the issue isn’t there or isn’t such a big deal.

It is there.

In our workplace

In our schools

In our universities and colleges

In our places of worship

In our communities

Can we be the change, the answer, the compassionate family and rebuild community we seem to have lost with ever evolving levels of technology and culture of society?

Abortion in the church

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I gathered with people working in pregnancy crisis centres from all over Scotland in Stirling today.

We had an amazing couple who run one of the first UK PCCs come to speak and give seminars.

This statistic though shocked even me.

The abortion rate within the church is almost exactly the same as it is outwith the church.

I wonder how many pastors realise that.

I wonder how many people are in need of healing relating to pregnancy loss.

If you are someone who works as a pastor or leads up a pastoral ministry, can I recommend a book to you? It’s not heavy, but I think it would encourage and inspire you.

SPSTANDARD.9781850786634

You can buy it on Amazon, but I can probably get you a copy for £5 (if you live in the UK).

Remembering Sophie

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Today is a weird kind of anniversary, because it marks 7 years since the day I was due to give birth to my first child.

A couple of months ago, Lynn challenged me to write about 10 things I love beginning with ‘D’ back when I was writing on a different blog. One of the things I opened up to the blogosphere was how I’ve always had this gut feeling that I had been pregnant with a girl. Since I had my baby names picked out since I was about 14 or 15, I’ve kind of known for over a decade that if I ever had a girl she would be called Sophie.

Now if you’re really clever you might realise why this blog was given its name!

You see, there is a key catchphrase known in the world of post-abortion counselling:

“We cannot change the past, we do not know the future, but we can change the way we think about the past which will affect how we think about the future“

It’s simple, but true.

I can’t take back the past, and I can’t control my future. So I chose to take what I could from the past…you see you can always learn from it.

So I don’t want to dwell too much on what might have been. But I will admit even now, there are still those occasional moments where grief, loss and regret feel slightly suffocating, but they no longer have a hold over me like they used to. You might think because I’ve written this post that I’m going to spend the day crying, but it’s highly unlikely because I never have done on this particular ‘date’. This time last year I was in a classroom leading a workshop on dealing with unplanned pregnancy, and if memory serves me correctly, afterwards I was sitting in my car praying to God and having a giggle about the irony of it all.

But in all seriousness, if I hadn’t dealt with my emotions and hurt all those years ago, and didn’t know how to deal with them on those rare occasions when they sometimes sneak back up on me unexpectedly I wouldn’t be able to do the work I do. I wouldn’t be able to be in church or around most of my friends either (do you realise how many people I know get pregnant/become parents every year now? Because I’ve lost count.)

If things had been different there would be no danger that certain family-friends traditions would have been continued. Like learning how to do the Macarena or the Time Warp for example…

On second thoughts, watching that clip with ‘adult’ eyes, that’s probably really inappropriate for a seven year old. But then, that’s what I think now about the Brady Bunch.

And don’t worry, I picked out a few other girls and boys names if I ever get pregnant again (my fourteen year old self listed them at the back of my journal). I even checked when ‘Elastababy’ was born that they didn’t clash with my friends’ baby name choices.

Hmm….back to the dancing thing….it’s got me thinking…

I wonder if Jesus would have joined in doing the Time Warp at a party?

I can’t help but wonder what the Pharisees would have said if he did.