Tag Archives: Failure

Jan23

The Wall: Failure is a part of life…

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The Wall: Failure is a part of life…

I think most of us have a fear of failure. I know that as a girl who got seriously used to being top of the class, I never liked to do anything I knew I’d struggle with.

I’ve discovered on reflection though, that key to facing my fears of failure, is to surround myself with people who I know will stick with me on the journey to catch me if I fall.

When I decided to return to high school for a year and apply to university a year early I did so with the knowledge that I had a super supportive boyfriend who was going to help me study, and friends that were going to drag me back to school on the days where I’d walked out.

When I went to Morocco, I was terrified of people getting travel sick on the planes or on the 12 hour bus ride from Marrakech to Zagora. I’d never done a school trip before because of my emetophobia. But I knew that 3 of my best friends were coming to, and we’d be in it together (and none of them get travel sick). Friends held my hand take off and landing (not from a fear of flying, I just know that tends to be when people are most likely to get sick). They hid me and turned me around and walked with me in the opposite direction when one of our teachers got really ill during our 12 hour bus journey. And, I in turn helped people through homesickness and lack of clothing and panic attacks from riding camels.

I sadly went to university and chose a degree I knew I’d find pretty easy. Why? Fear of failure. When I changed across to the medical school it was terrifying. I cried pretty much weekly trying to make sense of statistics. I was struggling with chronic fatigue syndrome too, so often couldn’t get to lectures. I was so thankful for a friend in the CU who was awesome at maths and a patient teacher who explained stats and equations to me in very very simple ways.

When I came to the end of my undergraduate degree, I felt a very strong call from God to apply to study medicine. A few things terrified me. 1. Having to study chemistry 2. Dealing with my emetophobia 3. 5 more years of university. I didn’t get in. I wonder now if actually it was God trying to help me deal with my fear of failure. I found myself not that upset, because I went into a job in Community Education soon after and I’d wanted to do that anyway!

It’s ok to be afraid, I think. It’s when you let it stop you living that it becomes a problem. Yes. I was afraid of failing. There are a few things I regret not doing – one of them is studying abroad, which I didn’t do for fear of losing friends or not making friends when I got there. But I look back on these other decisions and I’m thankful that even though I was afraid – I still did it.

I went back to school. I went to Morocco. I went to Sweden and worked as a dance teacher for a week. I passed my exams first time and got into university. I went to university and lived in halls despite being only 17. I asked my friend if I could go to her church. I trusted the voice I heard was God when I got baptised, when I changed degree and when I moved back to Edinburgh. I went to Australia. I went to South Africa.

I would have missed out on all of that if I listened to my fear of failing.

Is there anything you really want to do but aren’t doing because you’re afraid you’ll fail at it?

Dec19

Learning from Jo Rowling

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Learning from Jo Rowling

So I’m busy trying to stay awake again. Today has been a better day, with the exception of discovering my bank had sent me a new card and cancelled my old one as a result. The only problem is I had no idea, because I haven’t received the new card. So of course my old card got declined while trying to pay a bill and do my Christmas shopping.

I’m still struggling with fatigue, but I’m waiting to see what happens after the Christmas and New Year holiday before I make an appointment to see the doctor. I’m trying not to moan and whinge like I was doing the other day. I’m trying to choose a better way, to focus on positives and do my best to well, do my best.

But my concentration levels just now are pretty poor. Out of frustration, I ended up on YouTube seeking some inspiration I didn’t have to try to read and discovered a speech J.K. Rowling gave at Harvard University earlier this year.

I found the inspiration and reminder I needed. Her speech meant a lot because not only did she attend my own graduation, but also because I can relate to and identify with much of what she talks about. 

Fear of failure is probably the thing that disables me most from achieving my dreams.

Tied in with a lack of trust and faith in God.

As another person who cannot remember a single thing about the speech given on my graduation day (some epidemiologist whose medical research I have read) because it was fairly dull and Mitchell Hall was airless and hot due to the fact we were in the middle of the hottest July Aberdeen had ever had (it almost reached 30°C one day , which is 86°F) and Mitchell Hall is used to dealing with sub-arctic temperatures.

I wish that Aberdeen had given Jo the chance to inspire us like Harvard gave to their graduates…but it was clearly not to be. Poor woman had to sit through the same speech as we all did. Never mind, some nice person recorded her Harvard commencement day speech. Hurrah!