Tag Archives: J.K. Rowling

The Wall: Failure is a part of life…

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I think most of us have a fear of failure. I know that as a girl who got seriously used to being top of the class, I never liked to do anything I knew I’d struggle with.

I’ve discovered on reflection though, that key to facing my fears of failure, is to surround myself with people who I know will stick with me on the journey to catch me if I fall.

When I decided to return to high school for a year and apply to university a year early I did so with the knowledge that I had a super supportive boyfriend who was going to help me study, and friends that were going to drag me back to school on the days where I’d walked out.

When I went to Morocco, I was terrified of people getting travel sick on the planes or on the 12 hour bus ride from Marrakech to Zagora. I’d never done a school trip before because of my emetophobia. But I knew that 3 of my best friends were coming to, and we’d be in it together (and none of them get travel sick). Friends held my hand take off and landing (not from a fear of flying, I just know that tends to be when people are most likely to get sick). They hid me and turned me around and walked with me in the opposite direction when one of our teachers got really ill during our 12 hour bus journey. And, I in turn helped people through homesickness and lack of clothing and panic attacks from riding camels.

I sadly went to university and chose a degree I knew I’d find pretty easy. Why? Fear of failure. When I changed across to the medical school it was terrifying. I cried pretty much weekly trying to make sense of statistics. I was struggling with chronic fatigue syndrome too, so often couldn’t get to lectures. I was so thankful for a friend in the CU who was awesome at maths and a patient teacher who explained stats and equations to me in very very simple ways.

When I came to the end of my undergraduate degree, I felt a very strong call from God to apply to study medicine. A few things terrified me. 1. Having to study chemistry 2. Dealing with my emetophobia 3. 5 more years of university. I didn’t get in. I wonder now if actually it was God trying to help me deal with my fear of failure. I found myself not that upset, because I went into a job in Community Education soon after and I’d wanted to do that anyway!

It’s ok to be afraid, I think. It’s when you let it stop you living that it becomes a problem. Yes. I was afraid of failing. There are a few things I regret not doing – one of them is studying abroad, which I didn’t do for fear of losing friends or not making friends when I got there. But I look back on these other decisions and I’m thankful that even though I was afraid – I still did it.

I went back to school. I went to Morocco. I went to Sweden and worked as a dance teacher for a week. I passed my exams first time and got into university. I went to university and lived in halls despite being only 17. I asked my friend if I could go to her church. I trusted the voice I heard was God when I got baptised, when I changed degree and when I moved back to Edinburgh. I went to Australia. I went to South Africa.

I would have missed out on all of that if I listened to my fear of failing.

Is there anything you really want to do but aren’t doing because you’re afraid you’ll fail at it?

A decade of Harry Potter in my life

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5 years ago today, I graduated with my  Bachelor of Health Sciences Honours degree from the University of Aberdeen.

Today is also the premiere of the final Harry Potter movie.

I confess that I got caught up at work watching the scenes of Trafalgar Square (I was off the clock!!)

Those two events probably seem a bit randomly connected to you reading. But not to me.

Harry Potter (and this may sound silly) was a huge part of my university life – it’s so intertwined with it.

The first film came out during my first semester of university, and I remember we had to pretend I was 18 so we could go and see the late night showing the weekend it came out. I’d never really got into the books, but had very much loved having lunch in The Elephant House where they say ‘Harry Potter was born’ (oh yeah, and I came from Leith, where Jo Rowling lived when she first started writing it).

After the film, I devoured the books. I remember reading the second book and then searching high and low in France for the third book. I even bought the second book in French in the hope that I might get back into my French reading.

I read the 4th book just after watching Lord of the Rings…it gave me nightmares when I was alone at my Dad’s house one night I actually thought Lord Voldemort had come into my bedroom.

The 5th book came out when I was ill with Post-Viral Fatigue Syndrome. My manager went across the road to Ottakars to buy several copies for staff members at the themed pub I worked at during that summer. She even found out for me who died so I was prepared before reading it. (Thank you Jen). It was probably one of things I looked forward to that summer.

It was where I learned my love of words like ‘perturbed’.

It often kept me sane through exams. I remember me and one of my flatmates re-reading the entire series during our exam leave. We’d study all day and then settle on the cushions in my living room devouring the books like we’d never read them before escaping into the world of Hogwarts.

Deep discussions over dinner and on road trips about the clues to where the books would end. I guessed surprisingly well becoming a true Harry Potter geek.

I remember really struggling with something in church, and God speaking to me through the books about the power of love and sacrifice.

I took the day off the day that Half-Blood Prince came out. My Mum had dragged me round shops and I sat outside fitting rooms sneaking my newly purchased copy. I remember my friend Fi after she stayed up for hours reading it and how upset she was at the death in that one…and her saying ‘I don’t think Snape is bad‘. And me saying ‘I think I know who the R.A.B. is‘.

And yes. I re-read the entire series during my final ever exams… :)

And then as we finished dissertations and started sorting out everything for graduation day, talking with my friend as we grieved our rejected applications to study medicine post-graduation, and finding out that J.K. Rowling was getting her honourary degree at our graduation ceremony. I didn’t believe her at first. And I was so excited when I found out it was true.

The last book came out the summer I moved back to Edinburgh. It was like life had come full circle. 7 years of my life.

And today, I found the tears welling up as I watched Jo Rowling, Dan Radcliffe, Rupert Grint & Emma Watson getting emotional as they said goodbye to Harry Potter. Meanwhile a generation of students – many of whom started after I graduated walked the stage today in Aberdeen.

It feels strange to think it’s been that long ago, and strange to think that there will be no more books or films to look forward to.

Thank you Jo for writing those amazing books.

And for making sure the films stayed British.

I can’t wait to see Julie Walters shouting ‘Not my daughter, you bitch!‘ (you just don’t mess with Mrs Weasley).

 

 

Learning from Jo Rowling

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So I’m busy trying to stay awake again. Today has been a better day, with the exception of discovering my bank had sent me a new card and cancelled my old one as a result. The only problem is I had no idea, because I haven’t received the new card. So of course my old card got declined while trying to pay a bill and do my Christmas shopping.

I’m still struggling with fatigue, but I’m waiting to see what happens after the Christmas and New Year holiday before I make an appointment to see the doctor. I’m trying not to moan and whinge like I was doing the other day. I’m trying to choose a better way, to focus on positives and do my best to well, do my best.

But my concentration levels just now are pretty poor. Out of frustration, I ended up on YouTube seeking some inspiration I didn’t have to try to read and discovered a speech J.K. Rowling gave at Harvard University earlier this year.

I found the inspiration and reminder I needed. Her speech meant a lot because not only did she attend my own graduation, but also because I can relate to and identify with much of what she talks about. 

Fear of failure is probably the thing that disables me most from achieving my dreams.

Tied in with a lack of trust and faith in God.

As another person who cannot remember a single thing about the speech given on my graduation day (some epidemiologist whose medical research I have read) because it was fairly dull and Mitchell Hall was airless and hot due to the fact we were in the middle of the hottest July Aberdeen had ever had (it almost reached 30°C one day , which is 86°F) and Mitchell Hall is used to dealing with sub-arctic temperatures.

I wish that Aberdeen had given Jo the chance to inspire us like Harvard gave to their graduates…but it was clearly not to be. Poor woman had to sit through the same speech as we all did. Never mind, some nice person recorded her Harvard commencement day speech. Hurrah!