Tag Archives: Life

The road I took…

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Leaving Australia

3rd May 2007 – getting ready to return home to Scotland

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.“

-Robert Frost

It’s tough to believe it’s been 6 years. 4th May 2007 was the day I landed in Edinburgh, jet lagged, still a bit nervy from a girl who had got travelsick on a long haul flight from Singapore. I had no idea what would happen next. And it was not the easy path I had chosen. It was the unknown one.

The previous summer I had graduated from university. A graduation five long years in the making. But for the first time in a very long time, I was contented. I had finally settled in my Aberdeen life. I had a great family of friends. Things with my blood related family were better than they ever had been. I’d begun a relationship with a Christian guy who I first thought was on the same page as me. I split my time between Edinburgh and Aberdeen working some weeks as a care worker, others as a receptionist or clerical worker in NHS hospitals while I looked for a job. I’d been rejected from my applications to study medicine and midwifery. I was about to start re-applying and looking to study some of the qualifications I needed to do medicine. My boyfriend convinced me not to. Instead, I started applying for jobs, and got a temporary contract as a Community Education Worker. I was thrilled. A proper wage (I now realise the pay was AWFUL) and the hope of a permanent contract at the end with the promise of them paying for me to do my Community Education diploma while I worked.

In those seven months, I worked myself into the ground. I was out of my depth. I was asked to lie to people. Or at least to me it was lying. My boyfriend brought the worst out of me. He discouraged me from doing things I was scared to do. I don’t know if it’s possible to forget the first time I led worship at my church. Afterwards he told me he thought I should never do it again. Every time I’ve led worship since (and those times have been few) I’ve heard his words and seen his face in my memory. In March 2007 I was invited to reapply for my job to get a permanent contract. I prayed about it, and felt like maybe I was to go back to Edinburgh. I told him so. He broke up with me.

Relief.

It was however an upsetting day. He stayed in my flat for an hour and wouldn’t go away until I went to work. I went through my day, and when everyone else went home, I locked myself in the Senior Community Worker’s office. I called my friend and started bawling. That day I made the decision – I was returning home.

The plan was sensible. Finish my contract til March 31st. Get the flat ready for selling, and live there until I sold it or found a job in Edinburgh. My Dad and stepmother offered to financially support me until I was able to do this.

Only it didn’t happen like that. That night, I went home after that evening’s youth work meeting. I cried on my friend’s shoulder. And then overnight I developed a fever and by the next morning I had the flu. I lay on a mattress on my living room floor for days. Friends came in and out. I prayed to God, and the answer I received was clear audible one: It’s time to go home. And I’m not going to tell you what you’re going to do when you get there. You’re going to have to trust me.And then I call came from Los Angeles.

It was decided I’d go out to Australia to meet my friends.

And then I’d come back and look for a job and sell the flat.

Only it didn’t happen like that either. The day my friend walked with me to STA Travel to make sure I  booked that flight, we bumped into my (now ex) boyfriend’s best friend and his girlfriend. They desperately needed a flat to rent that they could afford. And so I said ‘why don’t you rent mine?‘

And suddenly I realised that I had 3 weeks to move out of my flat. And when I came back from Australia I had nowhere to live, and no job to go to.

I did let my friends at the respite home I’d worked at know I was coming back to Edinburgh, and I was grateful that they had said ‘yes’ to putting me back on their pool staff team. That put me at ease a bit as it made it all sound better when I was explaining to people what I was doing, why I was leaving so suddenly.

God did a lot of work in me during those 4 weeks in Australia. It’s why Australia means so much to me. I feel like Australia gave me my life back. It made me myself again. All the rubbish that had been spoken over me and into me began to fade away. Courage and confidence I thought I’d lost forever, I found once again. I returned home, still unsure, but very much at peace.

I realise I could have followed the sensible path. I could have stayed, sold the flat, never gone to Australia and waited to get a job. Or I could have applied for a permanent contract and perhaps I’d have that all important piece of paper that says PGDip in Community Education that I need to get a full-time job in this city.

But would I have learned so much, been as brave or met the friends I know now?

Most likely…no.

Photo on 2013-04-28 at 17.28 #4

An excited in anticipation koala…

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Man alive! I can’t believe all that is going on right now. After months of fighting SAD and numerous bugs in the last few days I’ve felt a real turn around. I’m waking up in the morning not feeling so horrible as I have done for months. I have a bit of energy. I’m feeling happy.

And now the busyness REALLY begins.

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve had some really exciting messages. Firstly, from the girl I shared a room with on my South Africa trip. My friend has been living in Nigeria for the last few years, and I hadn’t heard from her for ages. I actually worried that maybe she’d fallen out with me. I was totally praying about her, and like 2 weeks later I got a message on facebook from her saying she was going to be in Scotland in June and did I want to meet up? YES! We haven’t seen each other since we said goodbye to each other in Durban almost 4 years ago. I’m so excited to have the chance to catch up with her in person.

The next exciting message was that I had been chosen to be part of the first batch of people to be trained as tutors for a new pregnancy counselling qualification being written by an organisation I’ve worked with in the past. At first I thought it wasn’t going to be possible because it involved a trip to Basingstoke in a few weeks time. My work have agreed to help fund my travel, someone has given me a bed in London (no planes or 4 a.m. starts!) and it mercifully fell on a Wednesday which is NOT a Senior Section night. I do have to do another qualification which I’ll likely do through the local college (community college to my friends in USA) in the Autumn. I had thought I’d be able to get funding for the fees through the Scottish ILA (Individual Learning Account) scheme as I’m on such a low income. It turns out the rules have changed, and because I have a university degree I cannot get ILA funding. :(  So now I’m looking for another solution, but as everything has fallen into place so far, I’m hoping the rest of it will too. I’m also concerned that last year they did the evening classes on Wednesday evenings – which is a guiding night for me.

And the third exciting message was that I have the opportunity to attend the Christian Surfers Conference in Polzeath, Cornwall. Another thing I hope will fall into place, as my flat in Aberdeen is sucking a lot of money out my bank account this month, plus I’m booked on a counselling training day on the Thursday. And the last night of Guides is on the Monday we’d get back. The Edinburgh Soul Surfers crew look set to all be going and I’d hate to be the only one to miss out.

I’ve also been getting to meet some really cool people through something called Common Good Edinburgh. I was invited to be part of the group before Christmas, and met everyone for the first time in January. Part of my role is discovering stories of people who are finding creative solutions to the challenges of life for people in our city and its surrounding region. I’m not sure what I’m allowed to say and not say about everything, but you’ll know how much I love meeting new people, getting inspired and helping good things to happen! I’m learning loads being a part of it, and meeting people I wouldn’t meet in my usual walk of life.

And so that’s me. It’s so nice to be able to share this and not be moaning about being ill. I realise my blog has been quite neglected, but I guess I’ve been either in my sick bed or running about living life without having much time to sit down, reflect and write about it. I imagine come summer, I’ll have lots more to share too!

Quote of the Week – Week 17

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When I first began these weekly (ish) ‘Quote reflections’ I asked my friends for their favourite quotes. I’m pretty sure a twitter friend gave me this one, and I’m guessing the Pete Wilson they’ve quoted is Pete from Without Wax. :)

For whatever reason, I’ve always felt very aware that I don’t get to choose where or when I die. I could live until I’m 90 years old, or I might get squashed by a bus tomorrow. What I do get to choose is what I do with the time I have on this planet – however long or short it may be.

Earlier this week, I attended a memorial celebration for a Guider in our area who had fought a courageous battle with cancer. This woman had served Girlguiding for 40 years. Her rainbows led us all in a singsong with the songs this Guider had taught them with the other leaders. Many people from Girlguiding – her friends and guiding colleagues got up to share their memories. It is clear she has left an incredible legacy and inspired many in Guiding. She had guided our very own Division Commissioner as a new young leader of a Brownie Pack…over decades they became not mentor and mentee, but firm friends. Many others told of how this person them had encouraged them just to do their best as they marvelled at her energy and organisation.

This past wee while, having reconnected with my old Ranger leader on facebook, and having my Ranger leader and one of my friends from Rangers give me ideas of campfire songs to teach our Guides, has made me really think about the influence of those women on my life. I remember meeting my friend at a regional camp and just being inspired by her self=confidence, serving attitude and never complaining. She was so much fun to be around, and I wanted to be more like her in character. I still do!

And then I wonder what influence I’m being on the girls I’m with every Monday and every second Wednesday. I wonder what kind of legacy I’d be leaving behind if I died tomorrow.

Because everyone leaves a legacy for better or for worse.

When I come to the end of my life, will I have regrets? I’m sure there’ll be a few, but I hope to lessen them. I know I’ve managed to have a lot of incredible experiences already in my 29 years, and so if I do die tomorrow I’m quite content with what I’ve done with my life up until this point. Just as long as I never just go ‘well that’s enough’ and sit idly when I could do some more!

Are you happy with how you’ve been living your life? If you are – FAB! Continue on as you want to. If you aren’t – then I encourage you to sit and reflect on what choices you’re unhappy with. And then make different ones.

Once you’ve made one good choice and seen the positive consequences, it gets easier to make the future good choices! I promise you that. :)

Quote of the Week – Week 16

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I’m not sure where this quote came from. I think I got it from a narration of an episode of One Tree Hill. It may have been written by one of their writers, in may have been used by them from a piece of literature as many of their narrations were.

There are times in life where I’ve lost my way on a journey. I’ve made poor choices. I’ve become overwhelmed. I’ve given up and found myself in a well of self pity. Sometimes, I get swept up in a wave of life and land somewhere without really knowing how I got there.

Going to university was like that. I sacrificed an awful lot of things I loved to be ‘successful’. I was hardened by the words spoken over me, and even more so by the inactions that spoke louder than the words. The first step was going to a different high school from my peers of Primary 7. I chose my high school. It was a fight to get there. After being bullied for being smart throughout my final years of primary school, I hoped going to a school in a nicer area where there would be kids from ‘good families’ and encouraged uniform (no more snobbiness about my clothes?) would be a great fresh start. Somewhere I could do well. I was so, so wrong. I still remember the time in my first year I got the highest maths marks in the year. There was a girl from one of the catchment schools that had always been the top of the class. People came up to me constantly for days when they found out I’d done better than her. The girl was lovely and congratulated me. She’d done very well too, and I respected her. Her friends however, were disdainful as they believed I shouldn’t have been able to do better than her. Don’t you know she always gets top? they told me. I was dumb, and I badly wanted to fit in and make friends. I lost my reason for doing well, and decided to stop trying to do my best, and just be ‘good enough’ so I wouldn’t get teased or face any negativity. It was only really in my final year that I began to work hard again. By that time, I had enough confidence in myself as a person not to care what my peers thought. Plus I had a good bunch of friends I could count on both in and outside of school. Then I began to fight for marks more out of rebellion and anger than anything else. I may have found my way, but I’m not sure I found my reason for the journey. It became all about getting away from certain people, not about fulfilling ambition or doing the things I loved.

Perhaps that’s why, surrounded by wonderful new friends and grasped a fantastic opportunity, I sat in my university halls in November 2001 bawling my eyes out wondering if I’d made a big mistake. I’d lost my passion – dancing – out of my own choice after fighting so hard for it, and missed it awfully. I didn’t know why I was studying what I was studying and suddenly had no idea what I was doing!

When I surrendered to my stubborn ways, and began to believe in God, things began to change. Prayer (and listening for God’s answers to the things I talked to Him about) began to give me clarity. I began to see the gifts I had that I didn’t know about before. I also began to see my weaknesses more clearly too. My faith helped me find my reason for my journey again, and not to be afraid to take a road less travelled.

Suddenly my destination changed from Geography teacher….to…? (I only knew it was to more informal education and maybe a bit of counselling along the way).

There were confusing detours – like jobs in social care, receptionist in a sexual health clinic. A change from an MA degree to a BSc degree (despite having dropped all science subjects when I was 16) and a move to the medical school. I thought I’d made it to my destination when I met my last boyfriend, got a ‘proper full-time grown-up’ job in Community Education. But no, I was soon back on the journey again…to Australia and then returning to the place I’d ran away from at 17.

I’m still unsure that I know my way for the journey, but I know at this point, I haven’t lost my reason for it.

And as long as I don’t lose my reason, I’m ok with not knowing the way.

:)

De.press.ing…

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…is how I could describe the current UK climate. Edinburgh seems to be the only city in the UK to escape the repeated bouts of snow – although we’re getting snow and we haven’t seen that mythical glowing orb some report you can see in the sky – it’s not lying and isn’t affecting us badly. It’s just making us miserable.

The Easter holidays have begun (unless you are a public school pupil – some of the independent schools don’t go on holiday until Good Friday), and I had hoped for a break. Not so much. This week is one of those where I need a clone. I need to be in Edinburgh, Aberdeen and Basingstoke simultaneously.

I’m working every day until Good Friday, and have meetings straight after work every single night. There’s no Girlguiding in the holidays, so it’s pretty impressive to not have a single night free until Easter Sunday when there’s no Guides and no Senior Section.

And so here I am. Wrapped up in a duvet, CSI Sunday on in the background, trying to write some blog posts for the week because I probably won’t get the chance during the week.

I dislike weeks like this. Not being able to cook my own food. Not having an evening to chill. Not having time to put on a load of laundry. Missing smallgroup. Feeling stressed with so many decisions to make and not being able to be present to make more informed ones.

The dreich weather and all of that makes me want to hide in my duvet like an ostrich sticks its head in the sand to ignore it all!

And so I’m getting ready to suck it up and get this week over with. :)

Quote of the Week – Week 6, guest starring…Rebecca!

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Hi everyone! This week’s quote has been reflected on by my lovely online and now in-real-life friend, Rebecca. She has guest starred on my blog a few times before both as a writer , co-star in adventures like this one and co-mischief maker. I keep up with her mainly through her fabulous blog Making Memories & twitter. Most recently she founded the wonderful movement of ‘A Very Airmail Christmas‘ in honour of one of her patients, and I’m deliberately scheduling this post a day later than planned because today is Rebecca’s birthday!! Happy birthday Becca and thank you for another wonderful guest post…

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I have the typical type A personality. I like things planned and organised or I at least have to learn more about something before I start it. Otherwise I’ll be reluctant to have a go in the first place.

This quote speaks volumes to me. Looking back at MLK’s life it’s apparent he was very religious and led a life by example from the Bible. But I don’t think I need to be religious/spiritual in order for this quote to apply to my life processes. To me it says that you should always take the first step, with the faith that the rest of the staircase still exists, and that eventually you will reach your destination if you keep taking each step at a time.

Last year I made the very difficult decision to leave my first job since qualifying as a nurse in 2010. I was getting stressed, I was not developing my nursing skills how I wanted to and going to work was becoming a chore. I did not become a nurse to feel like that! On the other hand I was scared. Where do I apply to? What if I am not better supported in my next nursing role? What if I leave and realise my previous job was actually better? The perfectionist in me was doing somersaults and I kept telling myself I had to be better prepared for this next step.

Looking back I realised I never even took the first step, let alone the next one I thought I was on! But the more miserable I got the more I realised that this was a situation I could never be prepared for. I needed to have the courage to take the first step on the ladder, even if I could not see more than one or two steps ahead. As petrifying as it was I had to have faith that the top of the staircase existed. I just needed to have the belief I could climb the ladder and have faith that it would lead me to a better destination.

I am now in a much happier place. These are my new work colleagues and I look forward to working with them everyday.

I am now in a much happier place. These are my new work colleagues and I look forward to working with them everyday.

This motto can be used in so many areas of peoples lives! I remember two years ago my sister Nicola was telling me she wanted to start a family. Yet, she kept saying ‘it’s just not the right time at the moment.’ Then that summer they decided to quit the excuses, try and see what happened. Now 18 months later they have my nephew. Even though they did not know the outcome they knew if they did not take the first step in finding out they would never have become parents.

So what now? I have faith that the stairs are there and even though I don’t like the idea that sometimes you can’t see the top of the stairwell. The journey of taking the steps towards the top is half the fun, isn’t it?

This week…

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…I travelled through floods to go to York…

…visited 3 different York tea rooms…

…discovered what Hogwarts university would look like if there ever was to be such a place…

…bought a new organiser so I can have an address book and diary and a place to keep all my receipts I need refunded all in one place…

…finished watching Season 2 of How I Met Your Mother (my favourite episode is still ‘Okay Awesome‘ when they are yelling to each other in the Night Club and are deaf by the end of the night…)

…was impressed by our Guides who got really into an ‘International Night’ very ably organised and led by one of the Guides working towards her Baden-Powell Award.

…taught my Mum how to use an iPod

…got soaked in a torrential downpour on my way home from work. And I really do mean SOAKED.

…had a major clear out of all the clothes I’d kept that no longer fit me. I confess I kept a few favourite items that ‘almost’ fit me. Just in case I suddenly lose weight and my waist gets about 1-2 inches smaller.

…found out I didn’t get a job I applied for. They said I’d made a ‘strong’ application and been seriously considered though, so that’s nice. :)

…finished building the 3 sets of drawers at work.

…worked some more on my Adult Leadership Qualification for Girlguiding (I have to do one of the modules twice because I work with 2 different sections of guiding).

What did YOU do this week?

The woes of Cassie the Corsa

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Earlier this summer, my friend and I talked about doing something we’ve wanted to do for years. Go to the Q conference. Our friends have gone every year since it started, and always came back so enthused with new ideas and buzzing with creativity. I always kinda said ‘next year I’m going to save and go’.

This time, it actually seemed like a genuine possibility. Next April, I have no commitments. No weddings. No study. No partners day scheduled yet. I finally have tenants in my flat. For the first time, my finances have been in a steady place. My Mum said she would like to come with me, and we talked of hiring a car and driving the Pacific Coast Highway. A dream of mine for a long time. Sharing the cost would make it plausible for me to go.

Then I discovered that the same week as Q, the NCAA women’s gymnastics championships would be at Pauley Pavilion (where the gymnasts at 1984 Summer Olympics competed) as it’s UCLA is hosting them next April.

It seemed like the stars were in alignment.

And then on Wednesday I went to the gym. I went across the evil speed bump (which I swear is gradually wrecking my already suffering car). Afterwards my friend and I got a sunbed, and as I parked my car I thought I could hear a really odd clunking noise. Today I realised there really is a clunking noise. Rattling every time I go through Edinburgh’s many potholes. I realise my car needs to go to the garage.

Actually, my car desperately needs to be replaced for a newer more reliable one.

And most likely, my dream of California is over before it’s even begun.

Now I’m real mad that I bothered to order my Lonely Planet guide that’s on its way to me from Amazon. I’m mad that I spent a summer having fun. I have those doubts creeping in about quitting my part-time job and getting a better paid full-time one (that pays me in a way to improve my credit rating!!)

As much as Cassie the Corsa and I have been on many adventures, this time I’m not upset at the thought of saying goodbye because I know that she can’t do the job I need her to be able to do anymore.

Next month I need to travel to Glasgow, Fraserburgh and Durham – I don’t think she’ll be getting me to any of these places.

If you’re the praying type – I’d love if you could send a few up for me. That travel would somehow be provided, and that I’d find a way to get money for a new car. :(

It was the summer of 2012…

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Years in youth work have often made me feel like the year begins in August. As the Edinburgh festivals begin to peeter out, nighttime returns and school begins.

It has been a busy summer. It’s strange to think that this now makes for 3 years since I went to South Africa, which means it is 3 years since I’ve been out of the UK. I don’t think I’ve gone for so long being in the UK ever in my whole life! But I wouldn’t have missed this summer for anything.

Starting with the Queen’s Jubilee, Beacon Night was fantastic. I was after that couple of weeks properly campfired out – because after Beacon I built campfires 3 times in a 2 week period! One night I went straight to my friend’s house covered in mud and smelling of fire so we could take her sons to see the Olympic torch run through Dalkeith. It’s a morning I hope I’ll remember forever.

Then the school year ended and I headed South. A few days in the South West with my lovely friend Ruth before we headed through the rain to Cornwall. Our time with friends old and new in and around the beautiful Constantine Bay was much needed. The return home wasn’t so fun – 10 days of living on raspberries and digestive biscuits meant that I wasn’t too productive. But soon, I was off work again so I could catch every second of artistic gymnastics I could.

When the gymnastics was over, the Edinburgh festivals had begun. A meeting with a favourite author, fun with new American friends seeing a rather famous A Capella group known affectionately as ‘Ted’s Band’ (actually called The Blanks). Comedy. Random reunions. An unexpected night that lasted way longer than expected. Discovering that my favourite Italian takeaway had changed it’s name after discovering the old name was a Jamaican phrase associated with orgasms (yes, you read that correctly). Taking pictures of postboxes painted Gold. Standing in New College belting out the Scottish anthem in honour of  an Olympic medallist. A hen weekend. Doing some stealth worship pastor type work.

And on Monday, a new year began. We expected some of our Guides would not return. We were pleasantly surprised to discovered all but 2 had come back, and we have 3 new additions. Rules were discussed and written. Games were played. I was reminded how loud the cheers and screams of eighteen 10-14 year olds could be.

The one thing I haven’t really mentioned here is church and faith. For the first time in 10 years, I have no idea where to head with that. The wounds from rejection and being drained from fighting and pushing it all down are definitely still there. This summer I came away from a conference a little bit disturbed from what I saw happening. It definitely makes you question who you can trust and what you believe. Is the sacrifice of relationships with people who don’t get that part of you – the part of you that believes such strange and unusual things – worth it? The word that keeps coming back, is the one marked indelibly on my skin. The question is now – how to find it again.

 

 

The way to get better at something is to…

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When kids are little, they think grown ups can do anything. There are things they can’t do or haven’t learned yet, and when we’re able to do things they can’t it might seem like we’re waaay more superhero like than we actually are.

It might be because we can drive a car to get somewhere exciting, or jump up so high we can touch the ceiling. The fact that we can draw a picture with incredible detail that you know exactly what it is without having to ask. You are the person that can quench their curiosity with answers to their questions and they might wow at your knowledge.

But of course children grow up, and eventually they learn that you’re just as flawed as everybody else and you’re not really a superhero after all.

My friend’s daughter looks up to me. When I realised that, I got a bit intimidated. After all, we already know that I can be a corruptive influence on the younger generation. ;) Whenever she was in church and I was singing in the worship band (often with her Daddy who plays drums and other grown up friends she knows) she always got excited. When she was little she’d do impressions of us all – she’d sing with her eyes shut – one arm raised in the air and declare that she was me. My response was a mixture of embarrassment (oh my – is that really what I look like when I’m singing?!), hilarity and pride. She made me a card on my 26th birthday that declared I was a rockstar. And I guess to her, it maybe looked that way. I mean I got to sing on a stage with a microphone with a band. That is COOL. To her, I was an amazing singer.

But the truth is, although I can sing, I’m not anything remotely close to amazing or rockstar like!

When we were on holiday last month, my friend and her daughter (and indeed everyone else on the beach that day who might have been watching) got to see me suck at something. I love gymnastics. But I can’t do it. My friend’s daughter like me, loves dance and other sports but isn’t brilliant at them yet. She’s still learning after all. At first she didn’t try the cartwheels with me. Until she saw that I couldn’t do it, and was having fun trying anyway. So together we tried to fling our bodies into the air attempting handstands and cartwheels. Again. And Again.

We didn’t succeed.

But we had fun trying.

You know, I was never able to sing in harmony. It took me ages to learn. At first I could only do it if I was provided with the notes I needed to sing over and over. When I began to sing in church, I stuck to the melody. Eventually I got the harmony if someone made it up for me. And then with practice and trying (and some awful bum notes in the process) I began to be able to harmonise. Our leader at Powerpoint now jokes with me because I don’t know the melodies to songs anymore – I’m so used to making my own harmonise version as we learn a new song! But when I was 19 I never thought I’d be able to do that. I had to keep practising. I had to ask others from help and teaching. I had to keep trying. I had to make myself vulnerable to making mistakes in the process.

As I came away that day, I reflected on the importance of that lesson. It’s the words that now stick on my head watching footage of World Champion (and now Olympic Champion with her teammates) Jordyn Wieber trying to do a gymnastics move in her living room and falling on her first attempt when she was a little kid. Her Mum is behind the camera as she goes for another attempt…‘The best way to get something done is to try again’

You want to get better at something? Are you being held back because you failed the first time and you don’t like not being the best at something on first go?

I’m with Rita Wieber on this one.

Try Again.

It really is the best way to live. :)