I’ve been found like this a lot over the last couple of weeks. I’m known for sleeping (hey, you know we koalas need our sleep, right?) but since coming back from Somerset I seem to be falling asleep during the day/evening a lot more than is usual for this time of year.
My friends have even noticed I seem to be much tireder (if that’s a word?!) than I usually am. Plus I can’t remember the last day where I straightened my hair. Purely for the fact that I just don’t have the energy to bother with the 30+ minute faff involved in using electronic gadgets like hairdryers and GHDs (and I’d be late for work/church/meetings….)
I’m partly putting it down to the fact there seems to be a lot of cold/flu bugs kicking around in Edinburgh just now, and I’m very good at catching bugs like that so it would make sense to be tired if my body is trying to fight off nasty evil germs. Plus the nights are drawing in, and the weather is getting more wintery (yeuuccch).
But it is scaring the s**t out of me a little, when I look at my diary in the coming months.
Will I be able to make it to Inter:act every Tuesday morning for 9 a.m. (when once again, I’m struggling to be in the office by 11)? What if I get ill doing Powerpoint? Will I be able to cope with all the travelling I’m going to be doing around Scotland visiting and supporting centres across the country? What’s going to happen when I start going into schools?
Of course, part of today’s bible reading would be Matthew 6.
All that stuff about from Matthew 6 (v25) “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important thatn food, and the body more important than clothes?”
I have to say, ‘Yes Jesus, I know that is true‘.
But I also think ‘But Jesus, when I eat certain things it makes me unwell. And um, Jesus, I think I need to wear clothes because I think I’d get some complaints if I went and taught a class or welcomed people into a conference in the nude‘.
It’s funny how self-conscious you can get when you’re tired, and just feeling a bit blah in general. Somehow mr he who I don’t like to bother naming can stick his big ugly lying deceiving nose in with whispers about how everyone knows you’re fat, that you look like a minger, that you’re not good enough and that nobody likes you or thinks you are worth anything except in a pitying kind of sense.
I guess any insecurities just seem to become molehills being built into mountains as I let certain incidents play in mind and overthink people’s words and actions to mean something negative in my mind.
What a load of nonsense!
I actually met a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago who is a student. She has spent the summer ill with glandular fever and post-viral fatigue syndrome. Again, it SUCKS that another of my friends understands what it is like. But it was lovely to be able to talk to her honestly and give her hope and encouragement (I hope I did anyway) and pray together about it.
There’s no point in worrying about what is to come. I’ve just got to try and prepare, and be sensible and take it one step at a time and see how far we get!