Tag Archives: Scotland

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

Today is the birthday of Robert Burns (Rabbie Burns as we call him in Scotland). My friend posted this poem written in Scots – a parody of one of Rabbie’s most famous poems. It’s already had about 11 ‘likes’ on facebook by 9 a.m. from fellow Scots. Mainly because, well it’s true. Haggis, neeps and tatties do create a little bit of wind…! And us Scots seem rather fond of toilet humour. Oh dear. Anyway, Happy Burns Day!

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi’ the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin’ a’ ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
it’s like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae god it disnae reek

But a’ the efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets arrond the room
Michty me! a sonic boom

God almighty it fairly reeks
A’ hope a’ huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a’ better scurry
Whit the hell, it’s no ma worry

A’body roon aboot me choakin’
One or two are nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile

It wis him! I shout and glower
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare
I’m no tha’ welcome any mair

Where e’re ye go let yer wind gang free
Tha’ sounds jist the joab fir me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.

24 days of Christmas: Ye never see daylicht on Ne’erday (by Fran)

24 days of Christmas: Ye never see daylicht on Ne’erday (by Fran)

Fran Brady was born in Dundee and is a graduate of St Andrews University. After a varied career in the voluntary sector, she turned from charity management to creative writing. In five years, she has written three novels, a book of short stories, a children’s book and recently – to her surprise – some poetry.  She has three daughters, a stepson, six grandchildren, lots of pals of all ages – and a dog. She lives with her husband in a village in West Lothian

A Fife Mining Community 1954

New Year’s Eve, Hogmanay, was the time for free-range “first-footing”, an unpredictable affair with every house set up for a full- scale party. It was a lottery as to which ones would end up with crowds big enough to do justice to the groaning tables of food and drink. There might be a great party, a horrible fight, a great deal of vomiting or just a gaggle of maudlin mutterers and snorers. Or you might have very few people and be left eating black bun and shortbread for weeks. You just never knew. But every house must be prepared. It was unthinkable disgrace not to be provisioned as if for an army.

New Year’s Day was quite different, having a formal structure. It did not begin until late afternoon, since no-one had gone to bed until dawn once Hogmanay had been finally declared over. Whilst the men snored on, the women and children would be up just in time to catch the winter sunset. Ye never see daylicht on Ne’erday was considered a fitting accolade to a good Hogmanay.

Once the mess from the night before had been cleaned up, it was time to start preparing Ne’erday Denner. This was when as many of your extended family as you could squeeze round your table would be invited to share in Steak Pie and Trifle – the menu was the same in every house and was washed down by copious amounts of that well-known beverage, the hair o’ the dog.

The first guests would be encouraged to burst in on the foul-breathed snoring of the man of the house, dragging him out of bed, declaring:

That must hae been a richt skinfu’ ye had last nicht!Get yersel’ a wash an’ shave, man, an’ get yersel’ through fur yer Ne’erday denner!

Mid-evening, the party would begin. No false modesty was allowed: songs, recitations, even short dramatic sketches made up the programme, repeated year in, year out with almost no variation.

Apart from the returning war heroes, who had proudly brought back their rousing, regimental choruses, few people were ever allowed to introduce new material.

As more and more of the younger generation left to seek their fortune across the Atlantic or Down Under, a new poignancy had been added to the old emigrant laments and there was never a dry eye in the house when everyone joined in “It’s oh! But I’m longin’ for my ain folk. . .

Some better-off families might book a few minutes on the telephone to faraway sons and daughters and everyone would crowd round and shout to be heard, marvelling at the time difference.

The party would once again last well into the next day. Men starting at six o’clock on the early shift would fortify themselves with plates of stovies or tripe and onions and head straight from the party to do a seven hour shift down the pit.

This is an excerpt from:

 Available as an e-book from www.booksanctuary.co.uk

or from www.amazon.co.uk in their Kindle Store.

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Fran’s post is the first in a series of posts over the Christmas period. Please feel free to comment on the excerpt from Fran’s latest book (and let us know if you buy it and read the whole thing!), and haste ye back for more guest bloggers who will be sharing over the next 24 days. You can find all the posts so far by clicking here.

Hurricane Bawbag

Hurricane Bawbag

Well, it’s been an exciting day. Yesterday our country got given a ‘Red Alert’ weather warning as a storm was headed our way. Some of you live in lands where tornados, hurricanes and cyclones are fairly common. Scotland is not one of those places.

All in all, I think we’ve done pretty well. Our country erred on the side of caution and a lot of local authorities decided to close schools or let kids go home early before the storm was due to hit so it would be less dangerous for them getting home from school. When you’ve got gusts of wind reaching 84 mph, that’s a good idea.

Especially hearing of a wall collapsing on an industrial estate, a roof coming off at a cinema, roofs of garages flying off, youtube videos of trampolines rolling down the street, Christmas lights collapsing onto pavements and roads….

In true Scottish humour, the stormy weather was nicknamed ‘Hurricane Bawbag’ (Bawbag is a Scots word for ‘ball-bag’ you can look it up in a medical dictionary and you’ll get the gist!) and became a number 1 worldwide trending topic on Twitter. Even t-shirts and hoodies were made in its honour, and pictures like the one above went viral on facebook and twitter.

If you’re wondering ‘why the flying panda?‘ – that’s a wee shout out to our newest Edinburgh residents, Sunshine (Yang Guang) & Sweetie (Tian Tian) who arrived from China at the weekend.

I’ve spent the day at home – I’ve got 3 weeks of annual leave to take before the end of the month anyway, cosied up in my new winter pyjamas. Except when I was running around my garden with my Mum rescuing flowerpots so they wouldn’t go flying around. We almost went flying ourselves in the process. :)

I expect tomorrow will be less exciting.

And I’ll also have little excuse to get down to the Post Office to buy stamps to send some Christmas cards!

The Dialect & Accent Meme

The Dialect & Accent Meme

I caught this meme from Becca’s blog, and it was quite well-timed as was having this discussion earlier on twitter with some tweeple! Can you tell it’s the end of a long day?  And yes. It is still pretty chilly, but I’m in a vest top because the heating seems to be on full blast and the attic is like a sauna!

Words
Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught.
Questions
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

Gone North…

Gone North…

I’m headed on the train to Dundee today, and then I’m driving up from there to a place called Alness to visit some of the folks involved with a pregnancy centre up there. I’ve actually never been so far North in Scotland before.

I do believe some public speaking may be involved in this trip, plus I’m staying overnight which means I’m relying on others for food which always makes me nervous.

It does mean I’ll be offline for a couple more days. I have neglected my blog this weekend, with Powerpoint and a night out with the ‘Rose Bucket Ladies’ – both were fantastic, and much better than I expected.

So. Question while I’m gone…when looking for a church to call ‘home’, what do you think are the most important factors in that decision?

Flower of Scotland Friday: Scottish Hokey Cokey

Flower of Scotland Friday: Scottish Hokey Cokey

I don’t know if in your part of the world, you grew up doing the Hokey Cokey at birthday parties and the like. Years ago, my friends and I took great amusement at Bill Bailey’s ‘German Hokey Cokey‘.

Well earlier this week, my friend Carrie posted a video of these guys on Facebook. I found them on YouTube, and I think it’s proof of what I’ve known for a long time now: us Scots are little bit crazy…

…but we like to have fun!

Fringe starts tomorrow

Fringe starts tomorrow

…so I’d better start carrying my camera around with me at all times for when I see something like this

A wizard tuning his guitar outside St Giles Cathedral, Edinburgh

or this…

…as I’m walking down the street! :) Really excited to see Mark Watson on Friday night with some of my friends. This will be the 3rd year in a row some of us have seen him at the Edinburgh Fringe.

Flower of Scotland Friday: Scottish Summerwear

Flower of Scotland Friday: Scottish Summerwear

My lovely friends just got back from helping out with the Church of Scotland’s largest parish (in terms of geography) in North West of Scotland for a couple of months. Well, they got these in one of the wee islands they were ministering in, and I just think it’s hilarious that we had BumpII (gotta come up with a better nickname) wearing them in the glorious Scottish sunshine yesterday.

Elastatoddler calls them ‘[insert real name of BumpII]‘s knitted wellies

Love it. Only in Scotland, right?

It was sooooo great to all the family yesterday, and got lots of BumpII cuddles, as well as playing some football and building a railway track with my fabulous godson who is living up to his nickname with his new ability to do forward rolls all by himself.  We think he may have a swallowed a duracell bunny at some point too… :)

Top Ten Ways to get your baby weight to stay

Top Ten Ways to get your baby weight to stay

I don’t have much to say today. Except that we’ve reverted back from nice summer to our usual non-existent summer…

…and I’m not too happy about it. (For those of you who work in Fahrenheit…the above pic translates to…)

An American on twitter responded to my posting of the above screen shot by saying: Wow that’s cold what’s the normal temperature in the middle of the summer there?

Bless his American cotton socks… :) Because let’s face it…this IS the normal mid-summer weather in Scotland!

Anyway, I was MOST cheered up on an otherwise dreich day by the posts on my lovely American who lived in Scotland friend, Caroline (who is well aware of the sucky Scottish weather as she has experienced it firsthand) announcing some very special news today….she’s preggers with baby Collie number 2!!!!!! :D

It’s been a while since she did one of her ‘Top Ten’ posts, and this one about the top ten ways to make sure you never shift your baby weight made me giggle.

I’m worried by the lack of digestive biscuits, jam, cream & scones in South Africa….how is she going to cope through this pregnancy?! ;)

Love you muchly Caroline – Congratulations to the Collie Family!!

PS If you’d like to see the guest ‘Top Ten’ I did for Caroline a while ago, you can check it out here. Unless you are called Lynn and you work as a Children & Families Pastor. Then you really shouldn’t read it.