Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

Today is the birthday of Robert Burns (Rabbie Burns as we call him in Scotland). My friend posted this poem written in Scots – a parody of one of Rabbie’s most famous poems. It’s already had about 11 ‘likes’ on facebook by 9 a.m. from fellow Scots. Mainly because, well it’s true. Haggis, neeps and tatties do create a little bit of wind…! And us Scots seem rather fond of toilet humour. Oh dear. Anyway, Happy Burns Day!

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi’ the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin’ a’ ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
it’s like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae god it disnae reek

But a’ the efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets arrond the room
Michty me! a sonic boom

God almighty it fairly reeks
A’ hope a’ huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a’ better scurry
Whit the hell, it’s no ma worry

A’body roon aboot me choakin’
One or two are nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile

It wis him! I shout and glower
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare
I’m no tha’ welcome any mair

Where e’re ye go let yer wind gang free
Tha’ sounds jist the joab fir me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.

Flower of Scotland Friday: Irn Bru vs Coca Cola in the 80s

In these parts, Irn bru adverts are kind of infamous.

And those of us who were around in the 80s, we might remember the classic Irn Bru advert  which was really taking the you-know-what out of the classic Coca Cola commercials that were around at the time.

Like this one, where the song used ended up going to Number 1 in the UK.

or this one:

So of course, we responded thus. Sing it with me ‘Made in Scotland, from Girders…’

Scottish to British Translator: What the visiting speaker needs tae know!

So at the weekend, we had a couple from South of England come up to Bonnie (wet) Scotland for a visit. It was their 3rd trip to the land North of the border, and one of them being our main speaker for the conference was eager to learn about Scotland – especially our Scottish lingo.

Of course, it made me think of my ‘translator’ posts I have done for my Transatlantic blogging friends. Here’s what they learned…

Flitting = moving house

Getting the messages = running errands/getting your supermarket shop done

Haar = a special kind of misty fog that comes off the sea into the mainland even though its sunny everywhere else in the country.

CRBS = Central Registered Body for Scotland.

Aye = yes (pronounced like ‘eye’)

Pieces = sandwiches or any kind of lunch snack

Porridge = oatmeal rather than rolled oats

Stookie = plaster cast

bairn = child

dreich = grey, misty, drizzly, foggy, rainy, dull weather

law = hill

The Dialect & Accent Meme

I caught this meme from Becca’s blog, and it was quite well-timed as was having this discussion earlier on twitter with some tweeple! Can you tell it’s the end of a long day?  And yes. It is still pretty chilly, but I’m in a vest top because the heating seems to be on full blast and the attic is like a sauna!

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught.
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

Happy New Year

New Year is a huge deal in Scotland, our Hogmanay (what we call ‘New Year’s Eve’) celebrations are world famous. The fireballs in Stonehaven, the massive Edinburgh street party (with its tradition of being called off due to gale force winds more than a few times!).

When the bells ring at Midnight (Greenwich Mean Time) there’ll be fireworks from the seven hills of Edinburgh, balls of fire flung into the sea at Stonehaven harbour, the clinking of glasses, cheering, hugging, kissing and the shout of ‘Happy New Year’, the singing of Auld Lang Syne.

apologies to Sarah, as we sang this in the traditional fashion at her 30th birthday ceilidh earlier this year…

Tomorrow morning there’ll be drinking of irn bru and eating of fry ups to cure many hangovers, people jumping in the North Sea for the New Year’s Day loony dook underneath the Forth Bridges and people ‘first footing’ friends and family. The act of bringing food/drink to the home as a symbol of blessing the New Year.

And yes, I got a bit of a Hogmanay miracle…a letter from my Dad. The first communication he has made with me since my 24th birthday.

So to everyone, Happy New Year. May the year 2010 be filled with excitement, blessing, learning and most of all, love.

Scottish Snowman

Ahhh…Irn Bru...a symbol of Scotland. This advert came out a couple of years ago just before Christmas and was a major topic of conversation for everyone living in Scotland at the time. It still cracks me up…

Inspiration for alternative Christmas service in 2010? I think so! ;)

Oh and on the topic of Scottishness and Christmassyness this pic appeared in my Twitter feed the other evening…huh.

St Andrew’s Day Blog Carnival

So lots of you are probably recovering from Thanksgiving and eating leftover turkey today.

And Monday is St Andrew’s Day

In case you didn’t already know, St Andrew is the patron saint of Scotland.

Me and my fellow Scottish friend, Carolyn felt that St Andrew’s Day needs to be recognised with a bit of a Scottish themed blog carnival of sorts!

Woo! We Scots do like a wee bit o’celebration (in the words of Ross from Friends). And yes, I fully admit I’m maybe just a teeny wee bitty patriotic. I get seriously bugged when people pronounce my Scottish surname incorrectly (except the Aussies…bless you guys & Queensland’s great taste in town naming – you are the only people outside Scotland who get it right). And I’m a little sad that I lost my Scottish accent from having to learn to speak differently so my English and American uni friends could understand me. Although according to some of you who saw the duvet video and the packing for South Africa video, you think I still have one!

So, I have some homework for you – due in on Monday – if you are willing to take it on!

What do you think is quintessentially ‘Scottish’? What do you think of when you think of Scotland?

You can answer in a blog comment on Monday, or maybe you want to use your own blog to share a little bit about Scotland. It could be memories of trips you’ve made to Scotland, your experience living here, what you’d like to do if you came here, exciting things God is doing or what you dream of God doing in Scotland…it can be anything you like really as long as it relates to Scotland in some way. :)

And ANYONE can participate – you don’t need to be Scottish or even have had to been to Scotland before. Everyone is welcome. We Scots are very hospitable, and our mantra is ‘the more the merrier’.

I’d love it if you could think about it over the weekend, and celebrate St Andrew’s Day with me through the wonders of cyberspace on Monday!

If you do decide to be part of our St Andrew’s Day Blog Carnival, please let me know so I can link to your Scotland-y post so other people can read it too. :)

Flower of Scotland Friday: ‘Therr’s been a murrdurr’

I wasn’t sure what to do for a Flower of Scotland Friday post this week, until Love replied to a comment I’d made on one of his posts. Much like when my blog friend Sarah talks about Alabama, I automatically hear that Southern accent in my head, Love heard what I said in the accent of those in the Weegieland (Glasgow) because of Taggart.

I used to watch Taggart when I was wee. Highly inappropriate viewing for a primary school aged child no doubt…those weegies sure are violent! But every time someone was murdered, one of those charming young police officers from Maryhill CID (the Scottish version of City Homicide I guess) would go up to Mark McManus aka Chief Inspector Taggart and say

‘Therr’s been a murrdurr” (There’s been a murder‘)

Annoyingly I have not been able to find a clip from Taggart where they say this, but have found a clip from another show where David Tennant does a spookily good impersonation of it.

One very tedious claim to fame, the last episode of Taggart to be filmed with Mark McManus, the house used for the scene of the murder was my Mum’s friend’s house. The murder was someone who got electrocuted in a swimming pool if I remember correctly…

And although it’s not old school…here’s a wee flavour from 2002

This isn’t the movies son, this is a murrdurr enquiry!” ahhh…classic…

Americanese to British/Scottish: Ideas needed!

Hi folks,

It’s been ages since I wrote a translator post.

I need some topics to cover…can you give me some ideas?

So far I’ve done:

  • Food
  • Socialising
  • all the words for being drunk
  • Bathroom stuff
  • Car stuff

There’s one I’ve been wanting to do for ages and that is ‘Clothing/Fashion‘. But gonna need some help as don’t know what some things are!

What else do you reckon needs covering in our translator posts?

American to British/Scottish Translator: Bathroom-related

Yep, today we’re talking about things bathroom related. So this is the translator post that is most likely to make you cringe and/or blush. But then it could save some potentially embarrassing situations too…

Toilet (?) = Bog/loo/can

Restroom/John/Bathroom = Loo/toilet/bathroom

Toilet Paper = Toilet paper/loo roll/bog roll

Using the restroom = Going to see Mike/Going for a wee/Spending a penny/taking a whizz/having a slash/powder your nose…

Puke/hurl = spew (less said about that the better)

Poop = poo (small)/jobbie (bigger)

Sanitary napkin/maxi pad = sanitary towel

Diaper = Nappy

Q tip = cotton bud

Fart = fart/pump/let off

Period = mollies (Scotland only I think for that one!) or my least favourite descriptions ‘on the blob‘ and ‘time of the month‘. We also just use the same term you use…

Bum/butt = bum/bottom/bahookey

Stall = cubicle

Diaper = nappy